subject: Adoption Bonding and Loving Relationships [print this page] Adoption Bonding and Loving Relationships
Whether you are having an adoption in-country, international, special needs, or a family member adoption, the automatic love and bonding with the child will be there, but may not be recognized at first. Often the adoption parents expect immediate overpowering bonding and "love" to just happen--be there instantaneously and in addition, to your horror, everyone, especially those who've never enjoyed an adoption, is ready and willing to share adoption advice. Trust your adoption agency's adoption advice. They know that many parents often do not have that automatic overwhelming love for the adoption child. You may wonder if something is wrong with you or like many new adoption parents feel like you are babysitting and wonder if you will ever feel like this child is yours. So, we ask ourselves, just how can I build those feelings? What can I do? Here are five adoption advice tips to help you build a loving bonding relationship with your child after the adoption.
Adoption love is there, you just aren't recognizing it. Remember when you were young and everyone had love advice? Adoption advice is different. Not many adoption parents want to admit that they didn't absolutely fall in love as soon as they set eyes on their newly adopted baby or child. The people who will tell you are those who actually did fall in love on sight. But think back, most people had to date for a time and have interaction before they fell in love, the same works in adoption. "I didn't really fall in love with my baby," said one adoption mother, "until I held him in my arms." Touch has a great deal to do with "feeling". As you start to hold and touch your baby's fingers and toes, look at her eyes or trace your finger over his hair, you'll begin to recognize those beginnings of belonging. As you give that new little four year old international child a hug, and feel her face against yours, and his arms tight around your neck, those stirrings in your heart are just small manifestations of what great love will develop.
Don't take everyone's adoption advice. "I don't know how you feel, but this is what you should do." This kind of adoption advice is worthless. If you want good solid adoption advice, talk to those who have been through an adoption. But remember, adoption advice is advicesomeone else's feelings, ideas, ways to handle things, NOT YOURS, not fact. You could ask adoption advice about their feelings toward their new child, or when they felt the first inklings of love, but don't judge yourself by their standard. Some of the best adoption advice on understanding the bonding between parent and child can be found on adoption blogs, where people are willing to share those close and personal feelings in a "safe" environment. Be careful to sort through adoption advice about love and bonding is different for everyone, just like everyone has an entirely different set of DNA; your personal experiences with parents and others will play a very important role in how you are able to bond with your son or daughter.
Love is a many splendored thing. All adoption advice should come with a disclaimer and dictionary of terms: love and bonding being two of the most important. The dictionary defines love as "a feeling of affection for somebody". Creating a bond between you and your child means "a link between people." If you will look carefully at these two terms, parents who are involved in the adoption of a child already have begun on the road to love and bonding long before they meet their child.
Attitude of gratitude, the ultimate adoption advice. Someone once said, "Create an attitude of gratitude" in your life. What a wonderful philosophy to incorporate into any adoption. In almost 100% of adoption cases, the new parents are overwhelmingly grateful for the new baby or child. This feeling of humble and magnificently blessed state is more than enough to begin to bind the family ties and create an atmosphere of love. Most adoption parents are very thankful or grateful for the mother of their new child, for her courage to give the child a life and for the child's life. No one can give adoption advice on how to be grateful or have gratitude; it is inherent in the heart of any parent and especially those who trudge through the adoption process.
Time is the strengthening factor in adoption love. If you were to ask a mother if she loved her two year old son, she would say, "I love him more now than when he was born." Ask her in 30 years or 40 years and the answer will be the same. Adoption advice: Love continues to grow as you nurture it. Each day we can try to build on the successes of the previous day, understand more, hug more, say I Love you more. When the parents first pick up the adoption child, the flutter of love is there, but by the time they get to court, the days of changing diapers and clothes, teaching, nursing, and growing, both parent and child have increased that love and bonding 100 fold. Something wonderful happens to adoption parents who continually work to make each day better than the last. Perhaps your adoption daughter grew up in constant hunger and fear, you will have a challenge to keep her from hiding food and worrying that she'll be sent back, but constant expressions of love, lots of hugs, and even good old fashioned adoption advice from a family counselor will help the family grow in love together.
I hope this article will help you in your bonding experience with your new baby or child. Study the Internet for more excellent bonding articles by other authors.
