subject: Saving Your Marriage - Why You Mustn't Crowd Your Spouse After An Argument [print this page] Saving Your Marriage - Why You Mustn't Crowd Your Spouse After An Argument
Saving your marriage is not the easiest topic to discuss, and that's why I'm glad you found this article.
Too many people try to save their marriage without doing any research, and it usually doesn't go as planned.
Many people just want to undo the damage that has been done by a breakup or argument, and so they "rush into the fire without the proper equipment", so to speak. They often pursue their spouse aggressively, and that's because they are only thinking about ending their pain and saving their marriage quickly. This often has the wrong effect, and can end in disaster.
If you really want to learn how to save your marriage the first thing that you should do is try to follow this advice completely.
First and foremost, you don't want to pursue your spouse too quickly or forcibly. Instead, you are going to want to be cool and calm about the situation. One of the techniques that I find works very is to act as if you are not terribly concerned about the argument. I'm not saying you should ignore your ex, but you should act as if you aren't awfully upset. In this time period it's important for you to study your spouse and see how they are feeling.
The fact is, your spouse may have instigated the argument to see if you still care, or maybe even to get you upset intentionally. The reason for this may be unclear to you at the time, but deep down inside your spouse may be trying to see if the marriage is worth saving, or how you will behave under stress. That's why it's important to let them know that you still want to save your marriage, but you must not crowd them in this situation.
One of the reasons why you must act accordingly during the time period immediately following the argument is because your spouse may be testing you to see how you'll handle it. This isn't always the right way for your spouse to go about this, but human nature dictates that this is the way your spouse behave at this time.
The reason I mention this is because one of the things tearing at your marriage may be your overwhelming possessiveness. If your spouse feels you are overly possessive or jealous, he or she may start an argument with you just to prove their point. Be careful not to take this bait, because your spouse may then become even more upset and not want to reconcile at all. They will undoubtedly cite the fact that you have "shown your true colors".
You also do not want to look desperate when it comes to reconciling with your spouse. Often times, people feel that acting like this shows their spouse how much they love them, when in fact it only makes them appear needy, desperate, and pitiful. The assumption that invoking feelings of pity in your spouse will win them back is often right, but in the long run your spouse will realize he or she came back to you for just that reason, and hastily run away.
Instead of jumping at the opportunity to engage your spouse following an argument, take a step back and give them, and yourself, space. Go out with a friend or visit family for a day or two. This will give your spouse time to realize they have acted in the wrong way as well. The most important advice I can give you is to walk away immediately following an unpleasant confrontation.
You have no idea how many times I've heard horror stories about a simple argument escalating into a screaming match, involving property destruction, and even resulting in physical violence.
Sometimes the human emotion of love can manifest itself in other unpleasant ways. Don't let that happen when you and your spouse have an argument. Give it some time to clear the air and then sit down like adults and talk it out. You'll see that it's for the best when you are getting along and happy once again.
