subject: Confessions of Nelson Ndalila [print this page] Confessions of Nelson Ndalila Confessions of Nelson Ndalila
The past week has had its toll on me. I do thank God that the week is past, and I do not yearn to ever reminisce of it. That why I think the perfect way of setting this behind is to write it down, both as a point of reference; and as a warning to those whose innocence still shines in the light of the day. Ruminating about the horrors that are in my mind brings up many fine details of the moment, the details of which I seek to put behind me indefinitely. So enjoy the reality-text.
I have been and will always be a strong supporter of sex only after marriage. I frankly desire to see couples losing their virginity in their marriage bed. This position had been advised by my strong religious upbringing in a Christian setting, and the commitment my dear mother has put in raising me as a model child' to all those others around me. Get me right there though, I am not a child, I am 20 years- being twenty years has taken me a great deal of faith and hard work.
While walking out and about a while ago, I met someone that I fell in love with. Although I did not even understand the meaning of falling in love, I definitely knew that what I was experiencing was love. I mean what else? If this was not love, then how is love constituted? I posed this dilemma that was raging my mind in a previous article (The Love Conundrum). But the point is home, right? This lady is has a very outstanding disposition and temperament. She too is unmatched in beauty- candidly; she is still intensely glorious to my eyes (i.e. in beauty). The instant I met her, trust me, I knew!
We saw each other, day to day. I enjoyed every minute I spent with her wholesomely. In the past, I have actually never been so attracted to any lady past the turning of a head, or the blinking of my eyes. With this one, it was different; it is still different and distinct. We began talking for long time. Sometime we could talk for 6 hours straight- airtime was not an issue. We had one-to-one and exchanges every day, not any of us would get bored. And if you ask me what we do talk about, I know it is uselessness, what some would call an empty dialogue'. There was never any belligerence in our talk on any day. Only love and its gist.
Soon we could not keep away from each other. We began kneading each other, the more we did, the more we enjoyed it. Soon enough, massaging each other was not enough, we moved to the next level -to kissing and curdling. And at this stage, without the presence of or the supervision of anybody else; and in the privacy of our rooms, things we set to get out of control. I do not want to sound as a holy freak, or a self righteous individual; so does not take that line of deliberation, this is just a pure and veracious confession.
Things got advanced. I then got a condom. And we did it. Unbeknownst to me, I even did not know how to use a condom. (I indubitably think the government should bring more awareness on how to use a condom, imagine a 20 year old and above average in intelligence not knowledgeable about how to use the latex rubbers!). Then the vulcanized rubber broke during intercourse. For those with no cognition of this fact, here is it: when the condom breaks while in the inside and during intercourse, it is not noticeable- at least that was my experience, otherwise I would have employed the famous pulling out' strategy.
Having sexual relations is wrong. To me it is not only wrong, but also sinful. Yet it did happen. I do not exactly know what is really paining my mind right nowthe fact that I sinned, or the fact that I had sex with someone I deeply treasured. That happened a while ago.
So this week, I cannot find enough peace to study. Markedly with my final CPA exams at the end of this week, and as I wait for the pregnancy test to come out in two days time. If there is a child, I will not abort it. I will take care of it, and thank God for the gift of life He would have bequeathed me. After all, two wrongs compounded will only send me deeper into the throes of perdition.
