subject: Tired Of Your Marriage Problems? Ready For Solutions? [print this page] How to Have a Successful Marriage: Characteristics to show you the RIGHT way to get rid of your marriage problems and find the results and solutions you want, Pt. 6 - The Importance of Comfort, Pt 2.
Comfort is what I like to call a "heart & soul" connection. And before you start wondering how a wooey-wooey "heart & soul" connection is going to help you resolve your marriage problems; argue less; have less stress, more peace, & more fun; let me share with you why this type of connection is CRUCIAL in obtaining all three.
We are all created with what some would say is an innate need to be known by another and to know another on a deeply intimate level; that we were created for relationship, we were created for connection. Your marriage problems didn't start by who forgot to pick up the dry cleaning; who's taking the kids to the park; how the credit card bill is going to get paid; or who started what argument.
Your marriage problems started when one, and then the other, of you realized something: "I am not known. I feel alone; even when I am with my spouse there is a (profound) sense of loneliness." Perhaps you haven't even realized this on a conscious level; nevertheless, in your heart and unconscious - if you are experiencing problems in your marriage - you feel lonely, invisible, unseen because you are lacking a "heart & soul" connection. This is the HEART & ROOT of your marriage problems. I'm not saying your spouse isn't insensitive or rude or has moments or seasons of selfishness; what I'm saying is when you don't feel heard, seen, accepted, valued, & known, you become more insensitive, more rude, & more selfish.
What I realized is the ability to give & receive comfort is what CREATES, SUSTAINS, & INCREASES a deep intimate connection. If you're unable to give comfort it's because you don't fully know yourself. Therefore, your ability to truly connect to another in a real, meaningful & intimate way is impaired & limited. If you don't understand you own experiences (including your: thoughts, beliefs, feelings, & behaviors) how can you hope to connect to your spouse in a real way?
Part of the point of receiving comfort (beyond feeling relief) is to help you develop a deeper understanding of your self. This lack of comfort (and self-understanding, inherently) leads to a sense of anonymity, & therefore, makes risky behaviors (including emotional or physical affairs) all the more likely since you or your spouse don't experience a sense of being "seen". This is also why, "The grass is greener on the other side." - you or your partner doesn't feel know; there's no "heart & soul" connection.
Check out my next post where I break down the 5 aspects of comfort!
P.S.: If this article was helpful to you, encouraged or supported you, or if you learned something new or were reminded of something you needed to be reminded of - let me know! I'd love to hear from you!! Email me. Also, if you think it would benefit someone you care about, please do them a favor and "pass it on
