subject: What is the #1 cause of loss of Intimacy and Passion in Relationships? [print this page] What is the #1 cause of loss of Intimacy and Passion in Relationships?
Familiarity!
There I said it. lol When you first meet that guy, or that lady everything was fresh. You were eager to meet up and see each other. A fresh, face, body and all new experiences to share with each other. The sex was fresh! After reading this article, it will be easy for you to recognize that familiarity is the number one intimacy killer for couples and married folk alike.
Everybody had heard the old saying" familiarity breeds contempt"
Well, if you are around the same person all of the time, doing the same darn things. Psychologists tell us that our subconscious mind builds resentment towards that person. Remember, while you were dating, you had to schedule your rendezvous. Time was always an issue. As you move from casual to serious relationship, each partner is much more available; and it "get's worse" (lol) when you move in together!
Before we go any further, think back to the beginning of your relationship. What were some of things you used to do to each other to make you smile? The little things that you have stopped doing (familiarity lol). Bring them back. The little poems you wrote her. The little sexy texts you sent him. The touches and kisses and romantic little sayings and things that we slowly drop as the relationship gets "serious" and we start to take each other for granted.
When couples become familiar with each other, then things begin to go stale because:
1. We take each other for granted
2. Sex loses that "new car smell"
3. The "stress" of maintaining a relationship begins to build
1.
When you first met, you put your best foot forward. While the men are more focused physically on a relationship, the women are more focused mentally and emotionally on the relationship. Both parties however are floating on the "newness" of it all. It's the newness that attracts you. Scientists have done studies that show that couples who stay together the longest; are ones who are constantly learning and/or doing new things together. Constantly injecting newness into your relationship is the sure fire way to counteract familiarity. Be avid against routine. Don't always be available to each other. Cultivate outside interests and friends. Do things together, but also do things apart. Make it a point to try a different diner, or movie house on a regular basis. Make it a point to inject new fun into your relationship, by special date night and one-on-one time that you used to do in the beginning. This is a must for older couples and married couples. Flirting helps to keep a level of healthy passion in your relationship even outside of the bedroom.
2.What to do when Sex loses that "new car smell'
Typically when people vent about their relationship issues, they complain, "We don't even have sex anymore". Sex is a barometer of what is going on in your relationship. You notice the lack of sex first. But your real problem maybe lack of communication (that's another article). Most people do agree however, that sex is important in a relationship. One a scale of 1-10, I may rate it a 7 and you may say it's an 8... then we are compatible in that department. Yet even good sex can become familiar and stale. When you first met, and you were courting (sex was always on your mind). But as you began to get it on a regular basis (familiarity)then the enjoyment (passion) took a dip. Some couples subconsciously create arguments just to have great make-up sex. Just to ease the staleness of regular sex. But you can be proactive, by stepping out of the box sexually. Your bodies my not be new, but you have to find new things to do with them. Make up days like explore Friday Nightsor Erotic Tuesday nights, or Freaky Saturday Afternoon delights.. lol you make up some stuff. Wear costumes, lingerie and attires and make love while reading the Kama sutra, sex yoga, take aphrodisiacs, sensual erotic massage, talk dirty to each other, pillow fights, strip poker, go to a swingers event or sex club and watch. Discover his and her erroneous zones together. Try and weave spontaneous things in as well. If you are a couple who have children together, you need at least 2 nights a month just for the two of you to enjoy alone and together. Spontaneous sex is great (remember that?). Role-play is my favorite and never fails to excite. Bring in some costumes and rubber, latex, leather, handcuffs, dvds, blue movies, whips, chains and what ever else you need to explore each other's wild side. Do a lot of nibbling, licking, touching and sucking. Try a nice bubble bath or shower together once a week to ease the stress, finish off with a nice relaxing massage and nature should kick right in for you.
3.Stress in the relationship
Stress in a relationship comes in many different roads: money, emotional, communication, sex, in-laws, careers, child rearing, etc. The keys to eradicate stress are to 1. Induce your feel good attitude everyday, 2. Focus on the good things you appreciate in your partner. When you wake up in the morning, take a moment to give yourself a good pep talk. Pump yourself up and feel good about yourself. Play some music or affirmations in your mp3. Go for a morning walk or the gym and sit and read with the newspaper and coffee. Do whatever it takes. Then take a moment to appreciate something good about your partner. Make it a game to find something new everyday that you like about your partner. This is a perfect way to kill familiarly finding new things about your partner to appreciate on a regular basis.
Conclusion
Strive for fun in your relationship and that will stave off the beast called Familiarity. The newness (lack of familiarity) is what draws and attracts us. Newness feeds passion almost effortlessly. When things are new, you are not even thinking of passion because it's already there. Passion begins to dip because there is no yearning for each other. When passion is high, you grow together. Don't think of passion as sex Passion is the fuel to greater heights in a relationship. An intimate, passionate relationship is a particularly close relationship. It can be defined by certain characteristics: enduring behavioral interdependence, repeated interactions, emotional attachment, and needs fulfillment. Intimacy generally refers to the feeling of being in a close personal association and belonging together. It is a familiar and very close affective connection with another as a result of a bond that is formed through knowledge and experience of the other. Most humans mature, expand and seek to have more intimate, passionate and emotionally rewarding relationships. Shared intimacy and great passion should be your default setting.
