subject: Respond Confidently: Let Your Words Mean What They Say [print this page] Have you ever met someone who doesn't always mean what they say? Perhaps you have a friend who might respond to you affirmatively in conversation, but after some time, you have begun to realize that your friend didn't really mean what they said. Keeping promises is usually strictly monitored by societal pressures; kids are often the first to remind parents, "but you promised!" when they don't receive what they expected. But what about your daily verbal commitments? Part of becoming a boldly beautiful woman who commands respect is and staying loyal to verbal commitments. When others know that you mean what you say, they will learn to be confident in your word and respect your responses as honest and trustworthy truth.
So how can we confident women learn to respond with unwavering truth? Don't always feel compelled to respond immediately. It's alright to respond with, "let me think about that" and commit to giving an answer by a certain date. Also, be quick to listen and slow to speak. Don't think about your response while someone is talking to you, or else you might miss critical details that affect the response you would have if you had heard them clearly. Express your desire to help others, as long as it falls within your personal boundaries of time, resources, values and capabilities.
I know ladies that I love, who get significant personal fulfillment from pleasing others. These might be the woman who volunteers at her child's school more than they really want to, who disciplines their pet's bad behavior but doesn't follow through with punishment, and often responds to "what do you want to do" with "I want to do whatever you want to do." While there is nothing wrong with being agreeable at the right times, we women can sometimes overdose on the nurturing instincts. In many cases, this can result in irreversible damage to the confidence that others have in us to respond truthfully according to our inner desires.
Does the PTA coordinator at you child's school know he can talk you into volunteering as often as he needs with a simple plea, because even though you said "no," you buckle every time they complain that they really needed the help? Do your dogs know that even though you vocally disciplined them for jumping up on visiting guests, they won't really ensure any real punishment for their bad behavior, so they continue to assault your friends' personal space with unrestrained excitement? When your husband goes round and round with you in conversation trying to coax out the date night activity that you would really desire, does the resulting frustration cloud the evening together once he finally makes the decision for you? I don't want that kind of communication for you, and trust me - neither do you! When we women confidently and boldly offer meaningful responses to others in communication, and our actions follow our words, we can enjoy a life of more abundant and fulfilling relationships. Our unwavering confident answer to the requests and questions of others teaches them that we can be trusted and that we cannot be manipulated. When your son or daughter asks you to buy them the latest fashion, you might respond with a "yes," "no," "maybe later," "let me consider it and speak with your father first," or maybe you might say, "I am happy to help you buy that sundress, and I'll match you dollar for dollar." You have taken time (or you will be taking time) to consider all the important aspects of the decision and once your answer is given, it is solid. Your children will learn that whining will not work, and that you will not be moved because your yes means yes and your no means no.
When a friend at work asks for your help, and you've honestly considered your calendar and agreed, be sure that you follow through on your commitment. Alternatively, when your coworker makes a request of you that contradicts your ethics, you can weigh it carefully and respond to them with a confident "no" that shows while you might sympathize with them, you will not jeopardize your values. Command respect for yourself through your words and others will give you the respect that you have rightfully earned! Really mean it when you say yes or no, and then allow your actions to support those truths.
