subject: BDSM in Modern Society [print this page] BDSM in Modern Society BDSM in Modern Society
These days, sex in popular culture is everywhere. With Cheryl Cole in thigh high boots and Lady Gaga dressed as a dominatrix on stage, BDSM and fetishes are becoming more and more mainstream.
The German videos your dads mate used to sell at the pub of whipping, big German girls barking commands and tight leather clad men with big moustaches are becoming a thing of the past. With the boom in web-shopping, more people are lifting the veil on sadomasochism by buying handcuffs and whips online.
Huge groups of people from all across the country now openly meet for a Munch, a low-pressure social gathering for people involved in or interested in BDSM. What was an unorthodox lifestyle is now easily accessible and information on how to find like minded individuals is easy to find on sites like http://www.informedconsent.co.uk. One US study suggests more than 11% of women and 14% of men have engaged in BDSM - an abbreviation for bondage, discipline, domination, submission, sadism and masochism - activities.
If those figures are to be believed, in the UK more than four million people have experimented with this potentially illegal (under current laws) lifestyle and some have accepted it as the norm. Many men and women make a living as professional Doms and some even provide a Submissive service for the kinky dominants with money to burn.
But this isn't new, its just more accepted now. According to the former editor of the Erotic Review, Rowan Pelling, Britain is "still known abroad as the 'nation of floggers'". The famous flagellation scene in the 18th Century novel Fanny Hill, being just one example. "Just a little harmless English S&M", full of flogging, whipping and domination.
"A lot of it has to do with the way we have historically treated children," says Ms Pelling, "sending them away to boarding school from an early age. Plus, the British are thought to be repressed - and any repression will result in somewhat recherch and unusual sexual activities."
Lara, a professional "Dominatrix", Explains whilst relaxing on her PVC covered chaise lounge in her London dungeon surrounded by monstrous strap-ons, whips and leather harnesses, what happens when customers visit her office.
Lara explains that a lot of men and women that visit her want to give up full control. They spend some time before hand talking through boundaries and limits, and never start a session without agreeing a safe word. Once they begin however the client must understand that Lara is in charge and what she says goes. Disobedience will be met with swift sharp punishments.
Sessions start from 130 an hour and Lara guarantees to help explore a client's fantasy, self and sexuality.
Since leaving university three years ago Lara has been offering "tuition" to her clients and is more than happy with her career and lifestyle. However for ease Lara chooses only to tell her closest friends and family what she does for a living.
Many of the men Lara meets are married or in high-profile jobs that prevent them from openly taking part in Britain's lively BDSM "scene" with its fetish parties and munches. Three years ago anonymity was the norm for the majority of people living the BDSM lifestyle but Lara explains many are becoming more open about it and choose to invite there partners along to sessions.
Most of the clients Lara sees are submissive and they want Lara to be in control," she says. "When a client walks through the door I will have them strip and kneel on the floor in front of me - they will not even question that."
It's a natural part of human nature to seek some kind of endorphin rush. You can do that through sport and nobody thinks that wrong. If you take that same rush and put it into a BDSM environment you can see why people like spanking. They have got the fear of coming into this environment and fear of putting themselves in that position of trust.
Misunderstanding and suspicion has helped demonise the bondage and fetish scene that has created discriminatory laws - such as the one that forbids, unless "transitory or trifling", blood-letting during sexual play. What seems to be clear is that Britain's sexuality is becoming more and more open. Those that enjoy BDSM aren't weirdos or sickos, in fact they are probably more comfortable with there sexuality than most.
