subject: Getting Back With an Ex - How Do I Know It's Right? [print this page] Getting Back With an Ex - How Do I Know It's Right?
You've already been through an emotional wringer as a result of your break up with you ex, and now, you're getting signals that your ex wants to get back together. Through the dark fog of emotional turmoil you've been experiencing, you need to somehow be able to summon the wisdom to know if it's the right thing getting back with an ex.
After a break up, we tend to focus on everything that went bad in the relationship, and that's okay, because it's important to know what went wrong in order to avoid future mistakes. This time, in order for you to be able to make a rational judgment about get ting back with an ex, try looking at if from a broader perspective. How was this relationship good for you?
Did the relationship enlighten you? A good relationship benefits both partners if they both grow as individuals and become wiser about the world. If, as a result of your time together you found yourself to be more enlightened about yourself and others in the way that people relate, you may be able to develop a greater degree of trust in your partner. You'll probably be able to cope with your insecurities and jealousies much better which can lead to greater intimacy.
Do you have a BFF? People in relationships need to be best friends as well as lovers. Short of that, the relationship is probably destined to fail. If you and your ex became best friends and, after the dust settles, you can envision a long term friendship with your ex, then you both have truly benefited from the relationship. It also means that you are still in a relationship with your ex, just not an intimate one. It's also a positive pretense to changing the relationship back to what it was before the break up.
Were you at peace with yourself? It's not uncommon for two people find each other at the precise time when one needs another. Or, as the relationship grew, one helps the other through some difficult times. They become each other's rock. If, aside from some of the typical flare ups, the relationship brought you a calming peace then it was good.
Were you at your best? Good relationships allow two people to bring out the best in each other. It's as much about the chemistry between the two as it is just being in a good relationship. When we find ourselves easily giving more than what he get from a relationship, we have become a better person and have a better understanding of true love. If, through your relationship, those around you would say that you gave more than you took, then the relationship was good for you.
Did you expand your horizons? We're always growing, but are we expanding our horizons? In other words, what did you do with that growth? Did you turn the hurts and disappointments into a positive learning experience? Are you more inclined to seek first to understand in order to be understood? These are indications that your relationship allowed you to develop more fully as a person.
You know two things right now. You and your ex are both hurting right now. And, something happened within the relationship to make it break. If, for just a moment, you can turn your focus away from all things that went wrong in the relationship to what was good, you may just find the wisdom you need to know if getting back with an ex is good for you.
You need to be smart about this. Getting back with an ex is a monumental decision and, my strong advice is not to go it alone. You need the steady, guiding hand of someone of experience - a coach. I found the expert sources through ReviveOurLove.com to be invaluable, and so will you. Go there now. You won't regret it. And, Good Luck!
