subject: Can You Survive an Affair? How to Move Forward When Your Spouse Has Cheated [print this page] Can You Survive an Affair? How to Move Forward When Your Spouse Has Cheated
Can you survive an affair? You never thought you'd have to ask yourself that particular question, did you? You couldn't have anticipated that adultery would impact your marriage. Finding out that your spouse has been unfaithful is devastating. It rips apart the idea you've long held about the bond you and your partner have. You're left with feelings of confusion, desperation and a deep and unending sense of sadness. You now have to make a decision regarding whether or not you want to rebuild or walk away from the marriage. If you're determined to stay with your spouse and you love them enough to build on the foundation you two already have, than you absolutely can survive an affair.
The first step forward that you need to take after you learn about the infidelity is to accept that your spouse has made a mistake and regrets it. If he or she has told you that they wish it never happened and they are genuinely sorry for the pain their actions have caused you, you have to accept that they are being sincere. Second guessing whether or not they are really remorseful won't help you rebuild the marriage. You have to be willing to move forward towards forgiving them. Obviously this isn't something that can happen overnight but you have to be open to it.
Communication is essential if you want to survive an affair. Not only do you need to be able to express what you feel to your partner, but you need to listen to them too. It's best to set some ground rules for when you two do talk about the affair. Try your best not to verbally attack your spouse. This isn't always easy considering how emotional you'll feel, but it's important. Explain to your partner how much you need to express your sadness and disappointment. You have to be able to vent those feelings if there's any hope of rebuilding the broken bond.
Trust is at the cornerstone of surviving the affair, but it's not always that easy to rebuild it. It takes time and a great deal of work on both your parts. Work hand-in-hand with your partner on this issue. Let him or her know that you need more contact during the day to appease your suspicions. Spend more time together during the evenings. Not only will that help you feel more at ease it will also help to rebuild the connection between the two of you.
