subject: What Makes You A Bad Listener [print this page] Many people know that listening is an important part in building a good relationship. But listening doesnt merely mean you can what others talking about, but grasp what others try to tell you and ask right questions. Bad listeners sometimes mess up their communication and probably louse up their relationship.
Then, what makes you a bad listener?
1.Will you attend other things when someones talking to you?
While others talking to you, they want himself or herself understood. Maybe they need some comforts, suggestions from you, but if you just keep scanning the newspaper, picking up the living room, or cleaning your desk while listening, your careless might hurt the speaker. Even though you think you can hear what hes saying, but its just hearing. Your mind is distracted. You can miss important pieces of the message, maybe the words the speaker use, or the expression on his face.
2.Do you ever think you know more than the speaker so you dont need to listen to him, or even prepare for criticism or blame in the discussion?
There are some people always plan for a long speech while others talking to him or her. They are ready with a paragraph to tell before the talker complete a sentence. Some people like developing critiques of what others say or how they say it without paying attention to what others really want to tell them.
Are you this kind of listener? Its not a good manner of listening because you might miss part of messages and dont catch the nuances of your communication with others. And if you are always the kind of critical and judgmental, people will feel it unpleasant to communicate with you, and avoid it.
3.Are you keep hurry the talker while hes talking to you?
Last week, Lisa used to try to talk to me about her trip to Australia, but I didnt want to listen to her because she was so annoying and talkative, and was about to pick up my friend and I was 30 minutes late. I just wanted to close the conversation as quickly as possible. So I just start with Yeah, I have been to Australia too. We stay there for about 2 months Blahblahblah Then I walked away. After that, she never talks to me about her trip from then on. Actually it is a bad habit in listening.
If you just do such things like you dont pay much attention by giving positive feedback like a nod or a smile, your eyes glaze over, or turn away while others talking to you, you may hurt the talkers feelings.
4.Are you always busy offering advice while listening to others?
Like people always prepare for criticism to others words, people who are quick to offer advice while listening are not good listeners. Sometimes people only want someone to listen to them, even when they have made up their decision. All they want is to be heard and understood or given a vote of confidence. So you should take the time to listen to him or her, and offer your quiet support.
5.Will you try to change the subject when someones talking about something sensitive or more meaningful to you?
What will you do while others talking about things you dont want to? Will you just tell them to stop or steer the conversation to something that interests you more? Thats ok when the conversation is taking place between you and your friends. But it is impolite in communicating.
If you recognize yourself in any of these scenarios, perhaps its time to make some changes. Actually being a good listener can benefit you a lot. You can find some useful information while you are talking with others. Or you might get the answer of questions that plague you for a long time. To be a good listener can help you have a good effect on your work, your friendship, and your love life. In a word, it is worth putting efforts to be a better listener.
