subject: Learn How to Handle Toddler Tantrums, Whining, and Complaining [print this page] Learn How to Handle Toddler Tantrums, Whining, and Complaining
Have you noticed that most parenting experts have nothing to say about whiners and complainers? It all sounds like the same stuff you've heard before, and you notice it doesn't really address the problem. Plus, it just gets worse.
Help for the Whiner: So, here's a real approach. It's been tested, and it works! I have used this with hundreds of families where their child was whining and complaining. The same strategy works with the child who just seems to be constantly focusing on the negative.
Over the years, I've heard dozens of stories of children returning to the hotel after a day at Disney, and then complaining that they are bored, or they begin to whine because they didn't get what they wanted for dinner.
All children whine and complain at times, but some children spend an inordinate amount of time complaining about their lives, looking at what's not right rather than appreciating all that's available to them. Unfortunately, many adults do the same thing. If you sit at the dinner table complaining about what's wrong in your life, your children will learn from your example.
If you allow yourself to be pulled into their whining and complaining, it will increase. In other words, if you get pulled into arguing, reminding, reprimanding, correcting or lecturing, you are engaging the very behavior you want to reduce. This approach won't work. In fact, it can't work. The whining and complaining MUST GET WORSE!
So, it's time to take another approach. You can turn things around faster than you think. Within weeks most of this whining and complaining can be history.
Wipe Out The Whining: The Basic Plan
1. Tell the kids a change is coming.
Alert them to the fact that:"Mom and dad have made a mistake. We have been responding to you when you act younger than your age. We have responded when you whine. We have responded when you complain. We have responded to you saying you are bored. That's going to change."
2. Stop paying attention to whining and complaining.
Walk away from the complainer and allow the whining to drone on and on. Don't respond to any form of whining or complaining, for any reason. Be steadfast in your resolve to put your attention elsewhere.
When your child says they're bored, it would be okay to remind them once that it's their job to find something to entertain themselves...it's not your job. Note that you can say this because it's very likely you spend an inordinate amount of time and energy making sure the kids have things to do. Once in a while, they NEED to learn how to entertain themselves. Regardless, the "I'm bored" gets no response from you.Got it? Now stick to it.
3. Ignore any requests that stem from complaining or whining.
When children are whining, it's frequently because they want something different than what they're getting. This is also how you stop toddler tantrums. They want you to change your mind, or they want to do something they can't do at this moment, or they want something they can't have. Make sure they don't get what they want. It's as simple as that. Make sure they don't get whatever they're making a fuss about, because if they get it, they'll learn that this behavior pattern works.
