subject: I Wish My Husband's Mistress Could Feel The Hurt And Pain That I'm Feeling [print this page] I Wish My Husband's Mistress Could Feel The Hurt And Pain That I'm Feeling
I get a lot of emails from women who want to "get back at" or "hurt" their husband's mistress. Many ask me what is the most effective way to hurt this other woman. They want for her to feel the pain that they have felt and they want for her to regret ever choosing their husband as a target. They want my advice on how to best do this.
In response, I always have to say that I never feel it's in anyone's best interest to try to hurt this woman physically. This will just bring about a whole new amount of troublesome issues and will often just open up new doors that won't give you the closure that you want but will instead bring around a fresh batch of anger and regret. When coming up with a plan on how to negatively affect her, you have to also consider what will most positively affect you.
Most women want to hurt this other person in an attempt to make themselves feel better. So, you always want to think about yourself before you think about her. You don't want to mistakenly heap more pain onto yourself in your attempts to get back at her. This is a right way and a wrong way to do this, in my opinion. I will discuss this more in the following article.
Determining What The Mistress Most Wants And Then Attempting To Take Those Things Away To Hurt Her As The Result: Let's be smart about this. The logical first step is to determine what she most wants and is most afraid to lose. Many times, the answer to this is going to be your husband. Now, whether you want to keep him from her is going to depend on how you feel about your marriage. Some wives want to preserve this at all costs and some women will ultimately decide that she can have the husband.
You will need to decide which category you fall into you. If you fall into the category of wanting to save your marriage, then it's only logical to think that what would hurt the mistress the most is you and your husband finding a way to become happy again and to have a strong marriage. The result of these two things will mean that she is no longer in your life.
This is often what she fears the most. Sometimes, she wants for your husband to leave you and be with her. Thwarting this plan is often sweet revenge, but it's only healthy and beneficial for you if this is what you truly want and know will be healthy for you. Your happiness is much more important than your revenge on her which leads me to my next point.
Often Crafting Your Own Happiness And Best Life Will Be The Best And Most Painful Revenge On The Mistress: Let's think about this for a second. What kind of woman would need to prey on someone else's husband? Probably someone who is lacking in self esteem and is in desperate need of attention, right? We're talking about someone who doesn't have the highest amount of integrity and grace, (generally speaking at least.) And we're talking about someone who doesn't have the highest standards and a respect for the boundaries that others have set.
This person is potentially lacking in a lot of ways. Many women are afraid that the mistress is in some way superior to them, but this is so rarely true. We're often talking about someone with a lot of issues and self doubts. She may well have crafted an image that exudes confidence, but this is often quite false and fake. Sure, she wants to believe that she's special and is unique, but it certainly must plague her to know that this relationship is not at all an exclusive one, and that she is the mistress, not the wife.
And, when you handle yourself with integrity and grace, quite honestly, this galls her that much more. Many times, she wants nothing more than to know that she's caused you pain and self doubt. Do not give her this type of power over you. The stronger you are, the weaker she gets. Your well being, peace of mind, and happiness will often gall her more than anything that you could say or do.
Honestly, engaging with her will often let you know that she's gotten under your skin. If you can make her think that you and your husband are moving on without giving her much of a second thought, this will often be more hurtful to her than any plan you could come up with.
I know that it's very tempting to want to confront her and cause her physical pain. But this almost never turns out well, nor does it commonly give you the closure and the relief that you want. Instead, it only reassures her that she has power over you. It's often so much better to put her in the place where she belongs which is out of your life and as far our of your mind as you can manage.
I know that even thinking about your husband's mistress is very difficult. But, I also know that healing and moving on is possible. Although I never would've believed this two years ago, my marriage is stronger than ever after my husband's affair. It took a lot of work, and I had to play the game to win, but it was worth it. Because of all the work I did on myself, my self esteem is at an all time high. I no longer worry my husband will cheat again. You can read a very personal story on my blog at http://surviving-the-affair.com/
