subject: Stopping Automatic Behaviour and Creating New Habits [print this page] Stopping Automatic Behaviour and Creating New Habits
One way to increase your overall Awareness and sense of Power and Aliveness is by not having all of your behaviour, movements and actions run on automatic; by controlling some of them. I recently saw a group of Japanese Buddhists do an exercise of "extremely slow walking". They started in the morning and walked 300 feet by evening. This degree of self-control seems impossible to most of us Westerners. But even taking only 1% of their attitude can improve your life. Choose a day on which to do everything a little more slowly. Walk down the stairs more slowly. Turn the ignition more slowly. Shower more slowly. Drive the car more slowly. Notice how your overall well-being improves because of this. "Haste makes waste" is a timeless saying that always holds true. Haste is created by the ever needy and ever lacking Mind/Ego in an attempt to "gain" something it thinks is missing. But rather than identifying with the Ego, you can identify with Spirit. Spirit is never in a hurry. It is never under pressure. It is never lacking.
A great exercise to increase your sense of Awareness and Power is to intentionally start or stop something. Have you ever, while walking down a hallway at work, just stopped in your tracks, right there and then? If you're like most people, you probably haven't Why not? Because you're on automatic. Your life is on automatic. You are running like a wind-up-toy to what is expected of you or in accordance with what everyone else is doing. When you stop in your tracks, you stop the Filmstrip-of-Life and go into silent Awareness. From this stillness it is easier to determine what the Movie-of-Life should be about. Otherwise the movie determines what your life ought to be about. If you normally smoke after eating, why not just stop that today and not smoke after eating? Or if you normally never have a cup of tea after eating, why not just start today and always have tea after eating? Awareness is the only way you can stop old habits and start new ones. Yes, there are many techniques than can assist you with that, but so that you can use any of them, first there has to be Awareness and a sense that you can put life on "Pause" in order to apply them.
Do you have life, or does life have you?
Do you have time, or does time have you?
Do you have stuff, or does stuff have you?
Do you have Internet, or does Internet have you?
If you have Internet you can turn it on and off anytime you want and choose. If Internet "has you", you no longer have conscious control and just automatically log on, aimlessly surfing around for hours.
The easier it is for you to Stop and Start things, the more creative control you have over reality.
Stopping and Starting things may bring up various subconscious resistances. Just let those resistances come up and pass by. If you never say hello to strangers, say hello today. If you always say hello to strangers, don't say it today. You can change the script your life goes by, at any time. And even small changes are helpful because they introduce someo choice and free will and deliberate action into your daily life.
The follwing is one of my favourite Meditation-Techniques for experiencing 100% Awareness for a few minutes. Say what you are going to do next and then do it. During this exercise, don't do anything without deciding to beforehand. "I am going to walk over to that window" (do it). "I am going to touch that window" (do it). "I am going to sit down" (do it). 15 Minutes of this puts you back into a state of full control of your reality. I recommend the exercise for anyone whose life has become confusing, exhausting, overwhelming. The advanced version of the exercise is to watch out for automatic behaviours (during the exercise), and to step back and do these behaviours intentionally. So if I say "I am going to the window" and I brush through my hair while going there, I would stop and say: "I am going to brush through my hair" (do it) and then again: ""I am going to go to the window".
You will notice that most things in your life run on automatic. That is not a problem. You don't need to do everything with deliberation. It's fine if the hundreds of movements required to drive a car go on automatic. The problems in life arise when too much of it is running on automatic. Then every day is the same as the day before: Get up. Wash. Drive. Sit in office cubicle. Drive. Watch TV. Sleep. Do things exactly the same way every day and you will be creating the exactly same things every day.
Just a little more self-control will help you be calmer and also more productive. You will make better decisions in life because you are coming from a place of clarity, not from the rat-race people call "normal life".
You are able to stop talking when you like and start talking when you like. To stop biting your nails and to start. To stop drinking coffee and to start.
The best technique for breaking automatic behaviours and habits is to deliberately create both the habit and its opposite several times. You turn the habit on and off several times, until the Automation is released and the behaviour is back under your conscious control. If for example you have the bad habit of getting something out of the fridge every time you feel the slightest feeling of hunger, that would be one side of the issue. Then you would have to find it's opposite or "other side". Ask yourself: What would I like to do instead of this behaviour? Let's say in this case you would like to sit down, close your eyes and watch your breathing and feel your body for 1 minute. So instead of opening the fridge, every time you feel that pang of hunger, you meditate for a minute. Now that you have the two sides, you deliberately "create" or practice them. By doing the unwanted habit on purpose, you gain conscious control over it, instead of it happening without your control. By doing the wanted behaviour on purpose you practice the new pattern and will never forget it when you need it. In a live practice setting I would have you sit at your desk. Then pretend you get that hungry feeling. Then go to the fridge and get something. Then I'd have you sit down again.. Pretend you get that hungry feeling again. But instead of going to the fridge I'd have you go to the couch to close your eyes and breathe for a minute. Then I'd ask you to do the fridge-thing again. And then the couch-thing. And the fridge. And then the couch. This can also be done mentally, where you go back and forth between the two realities. But if it is done physically it is even more strongly committed to memory and the habit broken. It's silly playing this stuff out. But don't quit doing it just because it feels silly. It's the silliness that really drives the message home. You become aware of what you are doing day by day by day, and then you can quit doing it. Especially if you have a replacement for the behaviour.
If your issue is biting fingernails, then find something you'd like to do instead, every time you feel that urge. If you don't replace it with something to focus on instead, chances are low that you will actually overcome the habit. So what do you want instead of biting nails? Don't say "Just not to bite nails", that is not enough. Why? Because you are not giving your mind a new image. When you say "Just not to bite nails" you are still giving your mind the image of biting nails. Your phrase still contains the idea of biting nails. Your body/mind and subconscious won't respond to your attempt at reprogramming. "Just putting my hand down on the table" is better, but it may not be a strong enough replacement for biting nails. In this case you could do a "soft transition", by first biting something else, before you give up biting entirely. "I will always carry gum around with me and chew that instead". So then you go ahead and do the exercise: Deliberately bite your nails. And then deliberately do not bite your nails but chew gum instead. And then bite your nails again, on purpose. And then release your hand and chew gum instead. Go back and forth between these two several dozen times, until you have the feeling you have regained total control of the behaviour. If you later no longer chew your fingernails but chew too much gum, simply proceed with the exercise. An example you could use: "I will take a few deep breathes instead of taking gum out of my pocket". And then you alternate those two behaviours dozens of times.
With techniques like these you can actually go further than indicated here. You can bring up all subconscious behaviour that you no longer want, while leaving automatic behaviours that are wanted, in place. It really is possible to live a life fully conscious and aware. You really can design your life and create your reality the way you prefer.
