subject: Healing After Adultery – How to Move Past an Affair [print this page] Healing After Adultery How to Move Past an Affair
Healing after adultery is certainly possible, but it's rarely easy. When one person in a relationship strays and enjoys intimacy with another, it changes the entire dynamic of the bond they had with their spouse. Any trust that may have been there will likely be completely gone and both partners will question why it happened and what they can do to put it behind them and try and save their marriage. It takes a great deal of understanding, patience and mutual love and affection. If you want to make your marriage work, it's time to get to work dealing with the infidelity and its consequences.
One crucial aspect of healing after adultery is open and completely honest communication. Typically after an affair comes to light the person who cheated will confess that it went on for some time. This leaves their partner puzzled because they can't understand how they didn't see it and they also realize that their spouse must have been dishonest to ensure the extramarital relationship could continue. All dishonesty has to come to a complete stop at that point. You can't rebuild a marriage if you continue to hide behind a veil of lies. The person who cheated must not hold anything back if asked. They have to be as direct as they can. This is the only way to ensure the relationship continues to grow.
You also must talk candidly about the other person and where they fit into the equation right now. If the person who cheated hasn't broken off all contact with their lover, they must. The marriage can't be rebuilt if there is always the threat of the affair starting up again. If you are the person who committed adultery, and your lover works with you, it's time to start looking for a new job. Although it's often painfully hard to end this relationship, if you love your spouse, it has to be done.
You two must also address what went wrong in your own relationship. Affairs rarely occur in a marriage that is balanced and happy. Something changed to cause the partner to stray. Be honest with each other when you're trying to determine what that is. It may be that you two just stopped spending the time together that you used to or perhaps an ongoing conflict tore you apart. Consider what happened and what you can do now to ensure that it doesn't happen again. This is definitely a time when you must put your marriage at the very top of your priority list.
