subject: Is There Hope For Getting My Ex Back After An Affair With Time And Effort? [print this page] Is There Hope For Getting My Ex Back After An Affair With Time And Effort?
If you have been caught cheating in a relationship, there is a common belief among people that all is lost, that there is no hope of getting my ex back after an affair, the relationship must be over. Does it have to be the end, though? If both people involved in a relationship really want it to work, and are willing participants in its recovery, then what is to stop it from surviving and moving on? It begins with restoring trust and going from there. But, it takes time and effort.
All of the effort in restoring trust comes in two areas of the relationship: actions and attitude. As with all things, attitude must be in place before actions can happen. The first attitude the two of you need to work on is the belief that affairs must end relationships. This is all in the attitude. If you believe the affair is the nail in the coffin for your relationship, then that attitude will make it so. Conversely, if you believe that, through effort and hard work, the relationship is able to be saved, then that attitude will make it so. You see? It works both ways. That is the nature of attitudes. So, begin with the attitude, the two of you, and this will lead toward actions that will regenerate the trust in your relationship.
Think about this, too. It was your attitude that caused you to have an affair in the first place. Something about your attitude caused you to look elsewhere for...love? Sex? What was it? Were you both just too busy for each other? Was it a feeling that you two were drifting apart? It was something, and that something affected your attitude toward your relationship, and this in turn developed into action: the affair. So, get started healing the relationship by getting to the heart of the reason for your attitude change.
The imperfections of the relationship, those things that caused the actions leading to the affair, could be a flaw in your character, your partner's character, or a combination of the two. It could be that whenever the two of you are together, there are problems. Does that mean that you must end the relationship? Absolutely not. It just means that the two of you need to find out what part of your individual attitudes is contributing to the diseased attitude that comes out when you both are together. Again with the attitude. See the pattern here? Maybe it requires an outside influence, such as a marriage counselor. Whatever you two need to do to change your attitudes, do it.
Of course, knowing that an attitude adjustment is the first step to saving your relationship, it doesn't end there. Remember that following attitude is action. The right attitude just gives you a game plan to use. A good way to let this concept sink in is to think of this phrase: It's not about saying all the right things, it's about doing all the right things. Any con artist can tell you what you want to hear, but the true individual is known for his actions. You know, actions speak louder than words. A man is known and judged for his deeds, not his words.
Start with the promises. You know those promises that you made to each other back in the beginning? Start there. Only this time, take baby steps to restore trust. Promise simple things, like washing the dishes more often. Or making the bed. Or taking your dirty clothes out of the bathroom. These are promises that you can easily keep. Continue to keep them. One promise, then another. The key is to keep making promises, and to continue to keep them. Build on them. What this will do is create a feeling of confidence in your partner, that you can be trusted to keep promises.
Your partner will need to be reassured that your changes are permanent. The consistency mentioned above is the first step. You will also need to get used to saying that you are sorry more than just the first time. Repairing such a severe violation of trust is no easy task for your partner. You cannot expect one apology to make up for your cheating. You need to be patient, and understanding. Through rebuilding the trust, your partner will need apologies less and less over time.
But, under no circumstances are you to feel guilty, or made to feel guilty by your partner. Understanding how your partner feels should carry you through this difficult early time. And think about this, just as a bone heals stronger when it has been broken, a relationship can heal stronger when it has been broken, too.
