subject: How Do I Make Him Want Me Back? Tips And Advice That Might Help [print this page] How Do I Make Him Want Me Back? Tips And Advice That Might Help
I often receive emails from wives whose husbands have left the home (or have threatened to) and / or or recently separated themselves from their marriage. This break or space is often not the wife's first choice. Most of the people who contact me want to save their marriages. To that end, a common question that I'm often asked by wives are things like "is there a way to get my husband to want me back? If so, how?"
There are definitely some things that you can try. And, in my opinion and experience, there is definitely a right way and a wrong way to do this. Many times, the thing that feels right and necessary is actually the last thing that you should do and the thing that is likely going to do more harm than good. I will discuss this more in the following article.
Trying To "Make" Someone Do Something Will Often Make Them Defensive. You're Better Off Changing Your Own Actions: Before I get started with what you should try, I want to go over what I strongly feel that you should avoid. If you attempt to "make" your husband do what he doesn't want to do, he's highly likely to resent this. Not only that, but he just might perceive you as someone who is trying to keep him from evaluating what will make him happy. Once he sees you in this way, he's much more likely to avoid you or to have a negative reaction to you.
Yes, I know that you want to change his mind and change his perceptions. But force is often not the best way to do it. Nor is trying to get him to want you back through drama and negativity. At the end of the day, don't you want for him to be enthusiastic about his decision and come to it on his own? If he doesn't, both of you will likely be insecure and doubtful because you know that there is still doubt in his heart.
So rather than trying to control what you can't (his thoughts, actions, and feelings,) focus instead on controlling what you and have direct access to which is how you handle this and your own actions. Positive emotions and actions are much more likely to get him into the mind set of wanting you back than tricking or "making" him come back to you.
Showing Him The Person And The Relationship That He Really Wants: Often when I ask wives where this went wrong and why the husband left or checked out, they will sometimes shrug their shoulders and tell me that they don't know. Sometimes, they'll tell me that they've grown apart or that their husband is unhappy or that the husband now doesn't have any idea what he wants.
In short, the wives will sometimes claim ignorance. This is usually a defense mechanism. Because you often know what you need to know even if you are trying to protect yourself. And often, the connection and the intimacy has lessened, even though this is rarely any one person's fault. This is extremely common, but it is something which must be overcome. Life and obligations usually interrupt the great thing we have going.
It's very difficult for us to give him our full attention or priority all of the time in the way that we used to. We have kids to raise, jobs to go to, and a home to care for. This is so understandable, but somewhere along the line, we run the risk of him seeing us and the relationship differently. And this is usually when he checks out and perceives that the grass might be greener outside of the marriage. But you can even the playing field. Because you intimately know the woman he used to love more than life itself. You are her. You know how she acts, what she does, and the way that she used to make him happy. Don't turn your back on this information. Use it to your full advantage.
Showing Him Who And What You Want Him To See: As awful as it sounds, you really are trying to cultivate an image and a perception right now. You want him to see that the woman he loved and the marriage that fulfilled him can still be there. To do this, you will have to show him all of the positive aspects and not the negative ones. So, keep this in mind, every time you act or consider making a move.
Let's ponder this. A woman who is arguing, eliciting guilt, making demands, engaging or attempting to "make him" act in a certain way is going to likely be perceived as negative. This will usually cause him to pull away. But, a woman who is busy, coping, alluring, and open minded is likely going to gain some ground. You really want to portray yourself as someone who has his best interests at heart, but who doesn't completely come to a standstill without him.
Think for a second about who you were when he fell in love with you. How much do you resemble that person right now, at this exact second? I know that I'm asking you to do a bit of acting (at least when he's around,) but the end justifies the means in my opinion. When he sees that you aren't reacting how he thought you would and that you're the person he feared was gone, you're setting it up so that he might begin to challenge the belief that things might just be better without you.
Now, you want to go slowly and use some restraint. You eventually want for him to think that this was his idea and his decision all along. The idea is not to "make" him want you back, but to entice or lure him to do so.
It was my husband, not me, who felt that our marriage was really over. I knew that it wasn't over for me and I refused to give up. But, for a long time I drew on negative emotions rather than positive ones. This seriously backfired. Thankfully, I realized my tactics were not working and changed course. Eventually, I was able to not only restore my husband's love, but to change the dynamics of our marriage. You can read a very personal story on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com/.
