subject: 7 Confidence Building Steps For Men [print this page] 7 Confidence Building Steps For Men 7 Confidence Building Steps For Men
Confidence is a man's most valuable asset. It determines how successful we are at anything in life, and how well we handle setbacks. Self-confidence is more important that intelligence, skills, looks, strength, education, wisdom or knowledge. While all these things are helpful, confidence gives us the ability to apply them to maximum effect.
Women are attracted to confident men. When we lack confidence, our relationships with women tend to be the area where we suffer the most. There is no instant formula for building confidence in yourself or with women, but with consistent effort you can make a big difference with these Top 7 steps for building confidence:
#1: Practice Making Eye Contact
Whenever we make eye contact with someone, the first one to break eye contact generally has less confidence. It's a sign of insecurity and social inferiority. Practice making eye contact with people as you walk past them in the street, and let them be the first one to break it off. It may feel awkward at first, but you'll quickly get used to it. Don't stare intently; just look gently into their eyes and put your attention on them. Throw in a friendly smile for added warmth and observe how people react to you, but don't take it personally if they don't respond.
#2: Let Other People Get Out Of Your Way
The confident man has right of way on the sidewalk. Adopt the point of view "Other people move for me" as you walk through crowds and let other people get out of your way. Don't deliberately crash into people who can't see you or walk against the flow, but don't move from your line when approaching somebody coming the other way either. If they hit you and get angry, just calmly say "You walked into me. You're angry.". Don't pick a fight; just keep walking as if you have more important things to do.
#3: Start Expressing Preferences
When we lack confidence, we often lose touch with what we really want in life and what we like, because we give up on believing that we can have it. We're afraid other people will reject us if we express our preferences because theirs might be different. But we're more likely to push people away out of boredom than by offending them. Men with no preferences are hard to pin down and connect to because you never know where they're coming from.
Start expressing preferences about the kind of food you want to eat, the TV shows you watch, the movies and music you like. Be arbitrary about it at first if you really have to; love dogs, hate cats or vice versa. Get used to saying "I hate ...". Stop putting up with whatever comes your way, and start stating what you like and want. You may not get what you want straight away, but you will if you keep at it.
#4: Learn To Say "No"
If we're preoccupied with having other people like us, we may not be used to saying "No" to things that we don't like. We've been brought up to put other people's needs before our own, or to be overly nice and helpful to other people. Start saying "No" to people who ask you to do things you don't really want to do, try to sell you things you don't want, or ask you for money. This is easier if you have strong preferences, but if you don't just be arbitrary about it if you have to, until a sense of genuine preference develops.
#5: Initiate Conversations With Strangers
Engage strangers in simple conversations by asking "How's your day going today?". Prime targets are bus drivers, sales assistants and checkout operators. Engage in whatever business you have to conduct first, so they don't think you're just being polite. When buying groceries at the supermarket, wait until they've scanned half your stuff and then inquire. Take a genuine interest in how they're going; this takes your attention off you and helps you build empathy which is a key confidence trait. Smile. Ask "How long till your shift ends?" or "What do you get up to when you're not working here?". Find out what people are passionate about, and they'll talk about it for hours. Say "Wow, sounds like you really love that" when you think you've hit on it and keep them talking.
#6: Learn To Dance
Many guys are afraid of learning to dance because they don't want to look foolish. This gives a big advantage to those of us prepared to push through that uncomfortable stage until we master it. Women love guys who can dance. It teaches you to be assertive, to lead a woman where you want her to go, and to develop a strong connection. It's also really great fun to dance to music that you love, and instantly puts you in the arms of women who tend to be fitter, healthier and better looking than your average lady. This is particularly good if you are most lacking in confidence around women.
#7: Develop A Hobby Or Mission With Passion
Nothing is more attractive than a man on a mission. When we're passionate about something, confidence comes automatically as we master it, and the passion keeps us going when things are tough. If you have no particular passion or hobby, start trying new things until you find something that floats your boat.
If you don't play a musical instrument, pick one you can get passionate about playing. You couldn't pry my Fender Stratocaster electric guitar from my cold dead fingers. Women love to hear me play it for them as it demonstrates a sensitive side their emotions hook into. Like all good things this takes time, but learning is great fun and mastering a challenging enjoyable hobby builds natural self-confidence.
