subject: When Your Spouse Wants to Leave – What to Do to Save the Marriage Before It's Too Late [print this page] When Your Spouse Wants to Leave What to Do to Save the Marriage Before It's Too Late
When your spouse wants to leave and you want to save the relationship you're going to feel overwhelmed. Hearing the person you marry tell you that they want out of the marriage is devastating. This is particularly true if you have visions of growing old with them and creating memories for years to come. You have two choices in a situation like this. You can either give in to what they believe they want or you can fight to save your marriage. If you're intent on rebuilding the relationship, then you need to begin right now, before it's too late.
One of the very first things you need to do when your spouse wants to leave is listen to their reasoning. Blindly telling them that it's not an option because you want to work on the marriage isn't going to go over well. That's essentially quieting their needs. In other words, you're ignoring what they feel and instead dictating what their future should be. You have to listen to what they're feeling and sharing with you. Perhaps their need for space is coming from a recent conflict that you two had that they are having trouble moving past. Maybe they're feeling bored within the relationship because you've become so preoccupied with work or other things and they feel neglected. You won't know what you are dealing with until you talk with and listen to your spouse.
You then have to address the problem head on. Hiding behind a veil of defensiveness isn't going to help you at all. If your spouse tells you that there are things you are doing, or are not doing that is causing them to want to leave, you need to make some changes. It's so easy to become lazy within the marriage. You need to learn from what they share with you and then take some steps in the right direction towards positive change.
If your spouse is very insistent about wanting to leave, you're going to have to seriously consider it. That's not to say that you should help them pack their things but listen to why they feel they need space and then suggest a trial separation. What often happens when a couple separates temporarily is they come to a quick realization about how deeply they really do love and need one another. They are then able to work through their problems because they feel more motivated. It's a serious step though and not one that either of you should take lightly, so talk it through and then decide as a couple.
