subject: Chapter 10: The Novitiate Days [print this page] Chapter 10: The Novitiate Days Chapter 10: The Novitiate Days
Chapter 10: The Novitiate Days
If there is anything that I have learned in life, it is that in retrospect all the difficulties we endure can be seen as fuel for growth in wisdom and strength. This is how I now look at my novitiate days. In thinking of a description of this particular experience in my life, I have often said that it was like going from the hot-house into the refrigerator. Yet I was a hearty plant with extremely deep roots and I endured.
I wanted to do my very best and probably I tried too hard. Homesickness was my greatest suffering and given my track record at being away from home, it is truly miraculous that I stayed. Separation from family seemed to be the main discipline and my greatest sacrifice. Thirteen year later and after Vatican II, I was finally allowed to make a home visit. Many years later, my mother shared with me how she had prayed that she would miss me more than I missed her. I am always grateful that I managed to take care of my mother in her last illness and that she died in my arms. It was a fittting recompense for her many sacrifices. It was also Mom who came to me in many dreams afer her death and thus gave me a push in the direction of listening to my dreams and recording them. Eventually I learned to pray over them and use them as guidance in life.
Besides homesickness, my second most difficult experience was that of being corrected. At home, I was praised for my work, but the novice directressseemed to look for everything wrong that I had done. Many a night, I watered my bed with tears. The other discipines were easy for me, since I was used to early hours and hard work. In my zeal, I even added additional sacrifices and penances, making of my life a continual Lenten season.
The rule of silence was a surprise for me, but I became accustomed to it and often prayed that I could use the silence to be with God. I recall looking at the clock to time the minutes between my thoughts of God--a very mechanical method, but the beginning of my attempts to PRAY ALWAYS as St. Paul admonishes us. Today with all the changes in relifgious life, I have been known to long for the "good old days" when the bell would ring and everyone would be quiet.
Second year novitiate put me back into schoool and as in high school, I excelled in my studies, doing them both well and quickly. OftenI helped others and would acquiese to their petitiions for me not to hand in my term papers early lest the teacher would give us more work. It was also in second year novitiate that I took French and was given the part of Joan of Arc in a play just like my beloved patron, St. Therese.
All in all, my strict novitiate gave me values by which to live, even though the methods were sometimes somewhat exaggerated. It taught me that I was not the center of the universe and gave me a great capacity for endurance. However today, quaantum physicists are saying that the center of the universe is everywhere so perhaps it is not so bad to think of yourself as the center of the uiverse as long as you believe that everyone else is also the center.
