subject: Save Your Relationship - Talk Less And Communicate More [print this page] Everyone knows that communication is important and many are trying their best to communicate with their partners. Communication builds stronger bonds and reduce misunderstandings. It is true that communication can save your relationship. Sadly, people tend to believe and insist that they are always communicating to their partners but are there still quarrels? Let me point out the biggest error everyone will make in the process of communication: People tend to talk rather than communicate.
You need to think and understand the difference between communicating and talking. Communicating to save your relationship requires a speaker, a listener and messages passing between the two. Actually, talk is the medium of communication. It is the fourth part in the process.
So many couples talk endlessly AT one another but rarely actually talk TO one another. Have you ever felt that you have been talking a lot together but you can't remember anything of consequence that was said? To save your relationship, you need to do some self reflection about the way you talk and change it to quality communication.
What is it that makes a good message? When you learn to share your thoughts, feelings and motivation you turn talk into real communication. Here is an example as a man turns to his special lady and says.
"Can we for once turn the TV off and go to bed for a cuddle"? His lady responds, "You only ever want me when my favorite show is on. You wouldn't say that if football was on".
It is definitely not quality communication but merely just talk. The meaning of his message is in the response he gets. Sharing his thoughts, feelings and motivations could sound like this.
"My dear, we watch TV in these rare moments when we have peace together. I feel we are drifting apart. How about saying "Let's turn on the VCR and get up close with each other"? "Mmm. You do the VCR and I'll go slip into something more comfortable".
The big difference between communication and talk is that the focus is not on the outcome you are looking for but rather on the process and the experience of being together. Unless you share what you think, how you feel and why you are suggesting these things your partner will assume negative reasons and become resentful and mistrusting.
You cannot save your relationship with talk alone. You have to reflect upon the messages you send out and add in your thoughts, feelings and motivations. When one partner starts the open communication it is easy to ask for and get it in return.
