subject: Human sexuality: The beauty of sex in marriage [print this page] Human sexuality: The beauty of sex in marriage
NOW YOU CAN ENJOY YOUR SEXUAL LIFE.
The most basic of all human relationship is the one between a man and a woman. Human sexuality is one of God's gifts that must be properly used and not shamefully abused. Sex is like a cell phone; it can be properly used or misused. God who created us could have as well put us in total ignorance of what our sexual organs are meant for apart from urinating. Then, did he give us for the pleasure of it? No.
The sexual act in marriage is intended to add bond to the intimacy and oneness of both the husband and the wife. It is not a one-time act or what you do just to have a release. It is a response to each other in affection, love and total acceptance of one another. It is not meant to be done under pressure or force. Sex in marriage is a fellowship. It is an experience and a communication that derives fulfillment and liberty. It helps in bringing growth and development in the relationship and depth to trust and confidence in each other. It provokes and evokes transparency and absolute nakedness between the husband and the wife.
This sexual intercourse is meant to bring conformity and uniformity of both the man and his wife, not just from the physical perspective alone, but the spiritual. i.e. it brings oneness and warmness in all areas of the couples life. In addition, sex in marriage is not what you can replace with homosexuality, lesbianism, masturbation or sexual intercourse with animals and other sexual object. From God's perspective, sex in marriage is to bring out two important things among others. "Joining and becoming". i.e. To join you and your legally married wife together in mind, flesh and body. In addition, to make you become like the other or member of the other person.
Let me be more scriptural in this area. When an angel came to visit Mary (the mother of Jesus) and told her that she will conceive and bear a son. Hear what the bible recorded. "Then Mary said unto the angel, how shall this be, seeing I know not a man? (KJV).
It should amaze you here that the King James Version of the bible used the word "know" to mean sex in this area. "Know" here means to have proper information about a man's body because of your experience of him. It talks about your familiarity about the functioning of a man's body. Therefore, Mary is saying that she is short of experience in this area because she has not come to experience any man by means of intercourse.
Let me go on further to exposit this verse of the bible. It really means that it takes your experience of the man for you to know him. You have to feel him in a more intimate relationship and experience his touch differently from other touch. Take this for example; a strange man whom did not know at all, probably in a grocery store suddenly touches you. Immediately you will react to the touch and the look on your face will show that you feel embarrassed. The whole reason is because the man is strange. On the other hand, if the man is your husband, do you feel embarrassed? No. Why? Because he is your husband and you know him. Yet the knowing we are addressing here is not of face, recognition or by eyesight.
THE KNOWING.
The knowing in sexual intercourse is the knowledge of both "the body and the mind". Sexual relationship is a way of knowing each other intimately, deeply and personally. The man knows the woman through the act and likewise the woman. Like I said earlier it is not a knowing by face, but a knowing ti the innermost thoughts, feelings, expressions and yearnings of each other. This sex helps both the man and his wife to take knowledge of each other intimately. That is, they progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with each other, recognizing, perceiving and understanding each other in a personal way. Now, acquainted" here means to be familiar with each other or get used to desires, feelings and peculiarities of the other person.
You will agree with me that this knowing" is not applicable to a passer-by who just stop by, to have a release. Why? Because strangers do not intend to know each other or be acquainted. Their primary target is just to have fun, release and go. Therefore you can see that this "knowing" is just the captivations of the physical eyes, but of the mind.
If this be the case we still need to travel deep or more deeper and explore this progressive knowing of each other. We must discuss the physical body of both the man and the woman in other for us to understand this intimate knowing. Without much repetition of what has earlier been said, I must still say that this "knowing is the pre-requisite for fulfilling sexual communion in your marriage. As a woman, if you do not know how your husband's body responds to stimuli, you may not enjoy the man to the fullest during intercourse.
UNDERSTANDING THE MAN The mind structure.
As a wife, you need to understand why your husband is always at alert. Never a dull moment. It is as if the man is ever ready. Anytime is convenient. The reason is that, the way the mind of a man operates is different from that of the woman. A man cannot find it difficult to suspend any matter in other to turn to you for sex. For example, you would expect a man who is coming home with the bad news of business breakdowns, debt and sack letter not to even have time for sex. Right? Wrong. Even when he just heard that his mother died five minutes ago, he may come asking for sex few hours later. That may sound very odd to you. You may even question him; don't you care about your mum? No he cares. It is just that the issues on his mind are rearranged.
You should understand as a woman that the arousal of a man is very quick, because it does not take time for him to pull the issues, challenges and worries from the shelf of his mind and replace it with another. This is possible because the mind structure of the man is is in form of compartments". It is then easier for him to remove or replace issue with another. That is why during sexual intercourse the man does not need to clear any issue whatsoever before he is ready and go. Even when there is several unresolved issue at hand, this cannot be a hindrance to what he wants at that moment.
Once he ejaculates, he can immediately jump into another discussion or mission as though nothing just happen. While the woman may still be on the bed relaxing herself, the man is already doing another thing. Some men can rise up immediately and get5 dressed up to go for the next assignment on their schedules. However, the woman will not do that. While the readiness for sex in a man is very sharp and quick, the woman is slow and takes time. Therefore as a woman, or rather as a wife you need to study the body and mind structure of your husband. How he can quickly and easily switch on and off any issue and be ready to have sex. You must then be ready to dance to his tune, prepare yourself instead of engaging in other discussion that seem unnecessary to the man. If you are not sensitive to what he wants that time, and you are just busy talking to him, your whole discussion may be as if you are pouring water into a basket.
If you want to continue to have that man around, you must learn how to be short in details. Some men do not have time for long discussion because of their time and schedules. Once they are around, they want to discuss only serious and important issues and not menial ones. You are likely to miss his contribution as your discussion or explanation becomes too lengthy. He may not give relevant contribution and response to all your complains and discussion. He can just say" Well that's ok". And you wonder what is the relevant of "ok" in all you have said? The reason is because in his heart he is not with you. Likewise during sex, when you are not hitting the real matter the man is not with you. Therefore as a wife, you must understand the structure of the man and his mind.
UNDERSTANDING THE WOMAN. The mind structure.
This is the other side of the coin. The mind structure of the woman towards sex is different. In fact it is differently different and uniquely unique from that of the man. While the mind structure of the man is in form of "compartments", the structure of a woman's mind is like a "storey building". You cannot get to the last floor without passing through the first floor. Therefore, if on the first floor of her mind she keep the children school fees and rent dues there, it is impossible for the man to get to the fifth floor where sex is kept. The woman may continue to talk about an event of yesterday and at the same time joining her discussion with school fees, house rent, and her daughter's birthday party. While the man is responding in his heart with words like" can you just round up this discussion and let's have some funs. ? My body is already hot for it. Even if your body is freeze for it, you must clear those issues for her to be ready. Even though, the man is bored already the woman will continue to talk about the matter. Therefore, you need to understand the mind of the man.
For you to enjoy sexual intercourse with her, you must clear those pile of issues before she can be ready for you. You have to settle her for her to be settled for you. When a woman is not ready, you cannot enjoy her no matter your effort. One of things a woman wants from a man is communication and contribution. Conversational discussion is very crucial to the woman. However, men do not speak in detail, but women are very detailed in words. They do not speak in summary.
A man may come home and discuss the event of one week in just thirty minutes. But the woman can start her conversation from how she packed her load form the house to the motor park, and from there talk about her experience in a traffic jam, long hours journey and other stuffs. Moreover, when three hours is gone already it is like a three minutes discussion to the woman. She is so excited telling stories even if the man is slumbering at the moment. However a man must understand that this is how the woman's mind is designed to function. Issues are not settled easily as expected. She require more time from her husband because she wants the man's engagement in the matter.
However a man must not be too lengthy in her words. Your willingness to welcome the man might be an opportunity for you to be listened to. Allow the man (your husband) to fondle with your body even while you are discussing a serious matter with him. In addition as the husband as well you must try to find something to grasp from her mouth in other to give relevant advice and contribution. Make necessary contribution in the process while you are also consciously preparing her for the sexual act.
Women do not appreciate men whose busyness and business has taken them far or away from their affections, feelings and love-life. They always want their men to be there when they need them.
THE PROCESS AND THE ACT.
Having discussed the purpose of sexual act in marriage and mind structure of both the man and the woman. We need to go on further to talk about the sexual act itself. We cannot try to dodge this aspect lest we put ourselves in the dark of the whole matter. Without any repetition of we have discussed earlier, I must still say that sexual communion in marriage begins with the general knowledge of each other's body. The body is a slave to the mind, while the mind controls the operation. They are both like the drive and the driver. They work together to make a progress in the operation. However, this article is not focusing on oral sex or any style and posture. Whichever way is convenient for both couples is good. It has to be your agreement together.
Sometimes, making a woman ready for sexual intercourse can be tiring. Knowing that you cannot enjoy her without her readiness, you must be patient with the process. Get me right, I am not saying that every time you want to have sex together you must pass through a routine work in order to do so. No. Sexual intimacy is not a one-way traffic. Just like communication is not one way, sex is not either.
There are several other things you can do to get your woman's attention. Nevertheless, buying a woman's favorites must not be targeted towards sex alone. You don have to buy a shoe in other to win your wifes affection. Telling the woman how important she is to you can be a sure way to assure her of your love. A woman needs to be assured. You can begin your communication in the living room, bedroom, kitchen, garage, in your compound and wherever convenient. Some men communicate to their wives by buying a surprise package or her favorites, and present it with a warm kiss. With a soft and sexy voice you can say I love you babe, you are the best thing that ever happen to me." You are already preparing the room for your target.
In this area, women know how to play their game to get the man mostly. Sometimes, a woman can arouse her husband by wearing a seductive dress in order to seduce the man to her. "Seductive" is used here instead of "attractive" because the woman's primary aim is to distract the man and cause to concentrate on her. However, such seduction is only within the wall of their marriage. Therefore, a transparent or loosed dress worn by the woman can easily catch the man's attention and arouse him quickly. As a woman, you must study your husband to know what sexually arouse him and draw him to your side whenever you need him. Some women prefer a charming piece of music to dance with, in order to attract the man.. At that time, if the man is sexually caught up in the same mood, his sexual organ bulges out to show arousal. However, this does not mean you can grasp the woman and start to penetrate. You must study the woman's acceptance mentally physically and emotionally. Acceptance in the actual sense may be that the woman is still considering privacy. A married woman will not like an environment full of distraction while she is ready to have sex with her husband. She wants to be assured of privacy and concentration. Any eavesdropping or interruption by the children or other members of the family may spoil the whole excitement for her. It is then important for the man to study the woman's readiness. A normal married woman will not condone sex that is public to other eyes.
Nevertheless, while privacy is of great importance to the woman, some men are less concerned about that. Privacy or no privacy is not a barrier to their mission. Like the man, the woman must also be ready to accept the man. Once you accept the man, you can find a way to tell him what to do. Some women enjoy fondling at the beginning, before they can open up for penetration. However, the man must not be in a hurry or rush. The ejaculation may be fast and thereby forfeit the whole experience. Let it be slow and steady, considering the woman's enjoyment as well. When men ejaculate quickly before the woman starts to enjoy the act, it leads to frustration. The woman may not be able to feel the excitement as when started. The man is quickly tired and his sexual organ (the penis) comes down.
You can control your quick ejaculation by trying to pause along the way, wait for few seconds and continue again. Always tell your wife to stop whenever you want to do so.
When you are through, I mean after ejaculation, don't be in a hurry. Relax and discuss together. Woman like placing her head on her husband's chest to show the sense of belonging. I hope you will find this article useful in your love-life especially in your marriage. Continue to spice up your spouse.
