subject: Anxiety Chooses No Age, Race or Color [print this page] Anxiety Chooses No Age, Race or Color Anxiety Chooses No Age, Race or Color
I have had anxiety disorder since childhood. My parents would think that I had mental or personality abnormality since I had unusual anxiety disorder signs. But they never thought that my condition was actually medical and at that time, they were more concerned that I had birth defects.
My mother was taking hormones while she was pregnant with me since she had a very weak system. She was also forced to take in some medications that made her suspect even more that these have adversely affected my brain.
Early on, they would notice that unlike other children wherein they would play and frolic around, but I would just be in a corner, and I would be scared most of the time even when there was no cause for me to fear.
Also, my parents would tell me that if they forced me to participate in children's games, parties and befriend other children, I would scream and throw tantrums that would last the whole day.
My parents thought I was just a difficult child. However it was in my late adolescent years that my teacher in high school noticed my strange behavior. Without any provocation, I would flush bright red, hyperventilate and look like I would have a heart attack sometimes even in the most boring of classes. She once caught me sweating and took my hands so she could bring me to the clinic. She was surprised when she felt my icy-cold hands because they were trembling.
She and our guidance counselor would repeatedly ask me if there was something that would cause me to fear with that intensity, but as usual, I would not find any important reason at all. They even suspected that I was abused, battered or maltreated at home, which, of course, I had to vehemently prove otherwise. My parents were my greatest source of strength and support. I wouldn't know what to do without my parents.
It was then that my parents were called to the office of our principal to discuss the possibility that I might be having anxiety disorder.
True enough, in less than a few weeks, I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder. According to tests conducted, the symptoms that I thought were just normal occurrence as a child or teenager (worrying excessively, being scared of anything or most of the time, nothing, etc.) were indicative of the disorder:
unnecessary and excessive worrying;
fear of empty or crowded places;
fear of people;
fear of rejection;
fear of committing mistakes;
constant state of being irritable;
being easily startled;
sudden feeling restlessness;
onset of tremors, twitches and tension headaches;
10. unusual palpitations and shortness of breath;
11. panic attacks.
When I learned that I had the disorder, I spiraled even more into the other symptoms of anxiety disorder bordering on panic attack. It even worsened to waking up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat and having uncontrollable tremors. When my parents asked me if I had nightmares, my mind goes blank as if I had amnesia.
It is very difficult to have this type of disorder. It is a condition wherein I feel there is no escape. The more I try to deal with the symptoms by myself, the more I feel that I am drawn deeper into other symptoms.
