subject: Counselling - Simple Facts About Making Marriage Work [print this page] Each of us have deeply held beliefs about many things. These could relate to the type of pop we drink, which sort of dogs we have a soft spot for or our favourite brand of jeans. People have deeply held beliefs about marriage as well. Some of these beliefs are helpful and some are downright dangerous. Many of the beliefs we hold about marriage tend to change over time. What a person thought marriage would be like when they were 15 years old, is certainly going to be different after they've been married for 10 or 15 years. We do well when we're able to look objectively at our beliefs about marriage and keep those that help us and get rid of the destructive ones.
Love is all that we need. Countless numbers of people who commit to marriage are held captive by this belief. It's blatantly false and the cause of much heartache.
Who taught you how to have a haromonious and happy marriage? It's a very strange question. It doesn't regularly come up in everyday discussions. Who helped you to learn how to handle an automobile? That's a simple question for the majority of people to answer. When I ask the average person about their marriage beliefs, their eyes glaze over.
Ask yourself the following question. Would you consider going on vacation without first planning out key parts of your trip? The lion's share of people would have a plan for their trip. Their vacation is a special time of relaxation and recreation. It would be bizarre for them to randomly jump on a plane without knowing where it was going.
Somewhere along the way many of us adopted the belief that happily married people are just lucky. This is a terribly common misconception. Those who enjoy a happy marriage concentrate their efforts on becoming better individuals. Consistent effort is applied to the task of becoming a better spouse.
The devopment of stronger listening skills is an area some people focus on. Others need to practice sharing their feelings without attacking their mate. Still others, are busying working at learning how to ask for what they want. They have rejected the false belief they used to have regarding their spouse's ability to read their mind.
The vast majority of people entered marriage without any training. Millions of people have to deal with this sad fact. Those who enjoy a harmonious marriage don't let this hinder their progress as a couple. Engagement in a process of practicing new behaviours is required for a successful marriage. Practice does not make it perfect, but it usually makes thing better.
Are there beliefs about relationships that are holding you back? If you're part of the majority who received little training, don't despair. A ton of help is easy to access for those seeking improvement in their dating and marriage relationships. Don't beat yourself up. You're actually normal, because very few people had good role models.
The thoughts and feelings you have regarding marriage relationships can be improved. If you've adopted some negative beliefs that are hindering you, they also can be adjusted. Marriages that are happy contain very little luck. A better marriage is most closely tied to one's intent to improve.
