subject: Keeping Score in Marriage – Is Cheating Just Another Way of Keeping Score in Marriage? [print this page] Keeping Score in Marriage Is Cheating Just Another Way of Keeping Score in Marriage?
Did you know that you were keeping score in marriage? Most people don't realize that's what's going on even as they put another check in the plus or minus column for their partner. All couples do it. Don't let anyone deny it. But, you can change how score is kept for a healthier outcome for the sake of your marriage and to avoid painful lessons, like a cheating partner, as a result of keeping score in marriage.
Keeping score can be good when it's done for positive reasons. You know, a sort of "let me count the ways I love you" method of keeping score. That's how keeping score SHOULD work in marriages. Unfortunately, that's almost never how it's actually being used in marriages.
In fact, keeping score in marriage today seems to involve two checks for various misdeeds in the negative column but require several acts or good deeds in order to generate one check in the positive column.
Can anyone say double standard? Oddly enough this isn't a double standard that is reserved for one particular gender. Both seem equally able to apply this double standard and equally able to complain about the misuse of the system by their marriage partners.
So how do you make this double standard when it comes to keeping score in marriage work in favor of your marriage instead of against it? You get rid of it completely!
The first thing you need to do is erase the negative column completely. If you want your marriage to move forward you have to stop keeping it chained to old wounds, slights, arguments, disagreements, aches, and pains. Seriously, you'll never have a clear view of what's in front of you if you're always too busy looking at what's been left behind you.
Cheating has been used as a tool for "evening the score" in marriages in the past but it almost always ends badly for everyone involved. Remember that the real answers for marriage aren't in turning away from your spouse but in turning to the person you've pledged to spend your life with instead.
