subject: Becoming Assertive [print this page] Becoming Assertive Becoming Assertive
Becoming Assertive
Whereas the other types of communication are defenses,often automatic in nature, that rarely get people what theywant, assertiveness is a learned behavior that provides atthe very least a feeling of respect if not the desired results.It's a general observation of mine that people will treat you with the same amount of respect as you command.No one ever gets it by pitiful pleading or an uproar. Onlythose whose behavior is a role model for respect will get itfrom others.
Assertive behavior is respectful of the rights ofothers. It is honest, direct, and firm. It makes self-expressive statements rather than asks questions. Assertive people think enough of themselves to express theirthoughts and feelings without expecting others to agreewith them. They have no need to control the responses ofothers, but they do need to be understood. They may notget what they want, but at least they're clear about whatthat is.
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Nonassertive people confuse the goal of being likedwith being respected. They have learned to act in inferiorways because they believe theyare inferior, and that therights of others are more important than their own. They are self-conscious before superior and authority figures.They are easily hurt by what others say and do. Theirgreatest fear is that they may offend. In their evasiveness, they often offend anyway, especially themselves, by constantly abnegating their own beliefs and desires and allowing others to maneuver them into situations they don'twant to be in. To minimize their discomfort, they limit their experiences and don't use their full potential.
Assertive people respect themselves and othersenough to tell the truth. They feel free to reveal themselves: "This is me. This is what I feel, think, and want."They can communicate with people on all levelsauthority figures, strangers, friends, family, little childrenwith the same open, direct, honest, and appropriate manner. Their personalities do not change, chameleonlike,depending upon whom they are talking to. They enjoy thecomfort that comes with simply being. They have anactive orientation to life and go after what they wantrather than what others tell them they should want. Incontrast to the passive person who waits for things tohappen, assertive people have the courage to go out and make things happen for themselves, and they enjoy thefeeling of power that comes from growing up emotionallyas well as intellectually, knowing they don't have to actlike helpless children in order to get by in the world.Aware they can't always win, they gracefully accept theirlimitations and do not try to force their will on others.They strive in spite of the odds to make a good try. sowhether they get their way or not, they maintain their self-respect. That's a win-win situation.
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