subject: Ground Rules for Change [print this page] Ground Rules for Change Ground Rules for Change
Ground Rules for Change
People who seek help for an eating disorder are often inadvanced stages of isolation. Their relationship with foodseems to be their only rewarding experience. The loneliness that is felt is so profound nothing can fill it up but asubstance to numb the emptiness, and food addicts dosuch a thorough job of withdrawing from family andfriends, they are convinced it is they who have been shutout by others. Their expertise in guessing how others feeland think about them and their obsession about rejection only enhances their isolation, making it difficult for themto reach out and ask for help.
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When they come into treatment, they have often lostthe ability to take the first step in communicating withothers. Most of their conversations are light. People-pleasers have highly developed social skills as far as talking to others and are externally oriented. Their conversations are more listening or about other people. Theyremain on the surface of their ability to express themselves because they don't have the intimacy skills of shar ing who they really are, what they're about, and what theirneeds are.
Then there are the isolates. Lacking the social skillsof the people-pleasers or just too afraid to take the risk ofrejection, they remain in their rooms where they read,watch television, or find other ways to be preoccupied so they can avoid having to communicate with their roommates. They don't want to be alone, even though they maysay they do, and they are often desperately lonely. They,too, lack the skills to express who they really are.
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