subject: Story of a Binge Eater [print this page] Story of a Binge Eater Story of a Binge Eater
Story of a Binge Eater
Only one light was on in the Peterson house. Everyonewas asleep except Elaine, whose presence at therefrigerator around twelve-thirty was becoming a nightlyoccurrence. Over the weeks since she began making hernocturnal visits to the kitchen after the Johnny Carson show, the form that stood in the light of the open refrigerator door cast a shadow on the kitchen floor thatgrew and grew.
As soon as Johnny's smile began to fade fromElaine's television screen, it seemed her mind could nolonger control her body. Cursing at herself under herbreath, her feet carried her to the kitchen, her heart beatfast as if on the way to a clandestine love affair, and herwhole being lusted for the contents of the refrigerator,every little tidbit she had been virtuously resisting all dayand most of the night. For hours the container of ricepudding had been calling to her, joined by the three shortribs left over from dinner, swimming in her special barbecue sauce, and in the back of the bottom shelf whereshe had hidden it behind a loaf of bread, the last of thelemon meringue pie. It was only a sliver, but she had beenobsessing on it all night.
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In the early stages of Elaine's bingeing she had justeaten the contents of the leftover dishes. Then she beganto cook extra so there would be more leftovers. Soon herlittle cache of late-night appetizers wasn't enough, andwith a "What the hell, I've blown my diet now" attitude she made excuses to go to an all-night supermarket, ostensibly for cat food or scouring pads but really for popcorn, potato chips, packages of cookies and cakes,enough for a party.
Sometimes she managed to wait until she got home,and other times she started eating in the car. Afterward,she went to bed, leaden and appalled at what she wasdoing, filled with shame. But she couldn't stop.
One night, the car binge still didn't satisfy her andshe went into the kitchen and cooked herself a grilled-cheese sandwich. Suddenly her husband was standing inthe doorway.
"What's going on?" he demanded.
"Just getting a head start on tomorrow's cooking,"she lied. He didn't challenge that, but there was a disdainful look on his face.
Her extra weight obviously turned him off sexually, for he kept his distance from her in and out of bed. Thatwas the deepest hurt of all, and yet she was fully conscious of everything she was doing. Cliff was not a bigman, and she knew her extra weight made him feel small,but still she couldn't help herself. One night, hoping the truth would act as a deterrent, she got the courage to stepon the bathroom scale. She had gained thirty pounds in three months. It had taken her a year to lose them. Shewept. Her solace was immediate: more food.
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