subject: How to Catch a Cheating Spouse? [print this page] How to Catch a Cheating Spouse? How to Catch a Cheating Spouse?
To forgive or to punish?
Infidelity and Forgiving appear to be two concepts from two opposite poles. One is deception, betrayal and an assault on the other partner's faith. The other is a show of love, a symbol of magnanimity and an act rooted in nobility. Yet both are to be studied together because one is a response to the other.
So, your spouse has been infidel! He/she has sought something outside you though you had everything to offer him/her. And you have children too! What can you do about someone who has put his/her amorous pleasures above you and the children? Oh, loving woman, do you have to put up with this? Oh, devoted husband, do you have to forgive this "peccadillo!"
Well, the answer is simple. Only you can decide whether to punish or forgive. In either case, there will be consequences. If you choose to punish, that could be the end of the marriage and you may have to share your children with the one who had betrayed you! If you forgive, your life may turn out to be an ever happy experience or your spouse may go for another round, confident that you would be forgiving for a second time too!
So, back to the Shakespearean Dilemma - to forgive or not to forgive. In my opinion, forgiving can be justified in the following situations:
1) You love your spouse so much that his/her infidelity won't affect your love. So, you have to forgive him/her because you need him/her.
2) Your spouse admits to the infidelity and seeks your forgiveness. If you think it is genuine repentance (a spouse can always find out if it is not!)
3) You despise your spouse for what he/she has done but you cannot afford a separation due to economic/social/family reasons. Your children are so important to you that you could never think of a divorce or even a confrontation, till the children grow up to be independent. So, you reconcile to the realities and forgive your spouse whether he/she will stop being infidel or not.
So forgiving is possible either due to conviction or convenience! But whatever you decide, think of all the possible consequences, weigh them and decide.
