subject: Your Fidgeting Might Be Scaring People Off! [print this page] Your Fidgeting Might Be Scaring People Off!
I met up with an old friend of mine, way back from middle school.
She was as amazing and fun as ever, and we had a great time talking about old bygone days and catching up and all, but being with her has brought to light an observation that I've noticed before, but only now have I become aware of it.
She fidgets VIOLENTLY.
Now when I was with her, she clearly seemed to be in the present moment and chatted my ear off about her taking up graphic design at a community college, but it was sort of hard to notice her positive attitude because of the way she was fidgeting, how antsy she was! Could you have that same problem?
She has always been a hyper, energetic sort, but when you're sitting crosslegged and kicking your top foot up and down violently enough to stub her toe when she accidentally kicked the ledge next to her, you're making quite a show of yourself! ;-)
Three problems that the fidgeting can bring about. One, it's distracting to watch a body part kicking around or moving about constantly. Not always in a bad way, sometimes it puts me in a trance, but it still diverts my attention from -you-. Second, it can project the idea that you want to "get up and get outta there." Like you're on the run in your chair. People won't want to hold you back, so they'll end the conversation or grow more detached, even if you would've otherwise enjoyed a rapport together. Third, it's almost dangerous. If she had kicked my shin instead of the ledge....ouch. xD
If fidgeting is something that you're prone to do, here's my advice - if it's at all possible - trade a distracting, wild fidget to a more mild and small one. For example, in lieu of swinging your leg back and forth, perhaps crack your toe knuckles in your shoes. (Or...am I the only nut who does that? haha) Or just flex your knee, etc. You'll feel like you're moving, but it won't be visible, demonstrative and seemingly rude.
And really, it's perfectly normal to visibly fidget. But when it becomes visually distracting (swinging feet all over and kicking things) or noisily distracting (constantly drumming fingernails on your desk in class), it's good to try to fidget in "alternative" ways.
But at the very least, do try to avoid horsekicking me! ;-)
