subject: Lack of self- confidence: the signs and how to overcome it [print this page] Lack of self- confidence: the signs and how to overcome it
Almost every one of us has to experience lack of self confidence at a point in his or her life, whatever the reason, lack of self confidence is a phase filled with self doubt and fear, which will lead you to feel vulnerable, insecure, and fragile it makes lose trust in your own self and your own abilities
If you caught yourself lately in a lot of those situations, know that you lack self confidence
Signs that show a lack of self confidence:
1- "I wish I were": one of the most important signs that show lack of self confidence is Negative self talk "I wish I were smarter " I wish I was thinner" " I'm not good enough to do it" " I don't think I have the skill" . and the list goes on and your attention on it will be undivided, you can't keep your mind off those words when in fact negative self talk is a false perception of yourself it can be changed and turned in to positive attitude. Remember "it's not what you are that holds you back it's what you think you aren't not..Denis waitley"
2- "I don't think I am as good as others": anawfulhabit associated with lack of self confidence. Comparing, comparing ourselves to others is some kind of self torture specially that we choose to compare ourselves depending on criteria or traits that make us feel weaker and incompetent, we choose to ignore the flaws in people and focus on one thing we lack and that behavior is definitely damaging for our self confidence.
3- "I wonder what people think of me": the need of approval is essential sign that shows lack of self confidence. The need of approval makes us develop dependency on others' judgment, letting their criticism or praise define our abilities and limitations, worrying ourselves over what people think of us or if they really like us.
4- "Never": points of weakness. Everyone has them as much as everyone has flaws. even though we don't really have to compensate for them. Lack of self confidence makes us feel so, using never is a way of compensation for the lack of self confidence " I never get upset " " I have never acted this way" " I never have problems" and so on.
5- "That's because": everybody does mistakes in public sometimes like dropping his coke or breaking a glass, while confident people do not give reasons for their actions, a person who's lacking self confidence tends to give excuses for his minor mistakes "I must be tired today" " or " Gosh, I'm silly sometimes ". You would mostly feel embarrassed or self conscious.
6- "NO": you would find yourself saying NO to criticism, taking immediately a defensive position, replaying to criticism or taking it personally. While confident people listen carefully to criticism see whether it is constructive or destructive. If it was constructive they accept it, if not they dismiss it.
7- "Oh, That was nothing" : unconfident people tend to dismiss compliments orpraise as much as they do with criticism, and they don't really trust their own capabilities, deep inside they don't feel they deserve that praise."Oh, it was nothing, I could've done better, and anyone can do that".
8- "I'm afraid": lack of self confidence usually associated with fear. Unconfident people tend to have a lot of fears, fear of taking risks, fear of criticism, fear of failure, fear of people won't like them, fear they might be doing something wrong or so on. And that fear will lead them to be not initiative and hesitant when it comes to any decisions concerning their lives.
What can you do to regain it?
1- You define who you are
Have a better understanding for yourself, don't let other people define your abilities or limitations that doesn't mean to totally dismiss other's opinion but, you aren't perfect so people aren't their opinion doesn't have to be correct, they might not know you enough to judge or simply they could be jealous of you
So, be realistic know that everyone has weakness and strengths and so are you define your abilities and depend on your own judgment.
2- Believe that mistakes are unavoidable
Mistakes are part of our human nature; it's our right to make mistakes sometimes you have to believe that it's unavoidable and don't let the fear of doing mistakes prevents you from taking actions. After all, to regret having done nothing at all is a greater suffering than to have tried and failed.
3- Overcome your fear
Fear is a hidden psychological barrier; it's the only attribute in you that's stopping you from communicating or taking chances confidently according to the self development expert Joshua Uebergang in his book "Fearlessly communicating and taking with confidence" and self confidence is not something we inherent, it can be built with conviction and practice.
4- Don't set impossible standards
Lack of self confidence leads you sometimes to be perfectionists; you live in this world of our own in which you think you have to be perfect to be worth it, well that never happens and that can cause your confidence to degrade even more, so stop setting high standards you can never meet. We are not perfect we all make mistakes and we all have setbacks and that will never holds us back from achieving our goals.
5- Develop knowledge of something
Embower yourself with knowledge, take classes, read more, study something new. Knowledge is power and this kind of power will definitely give your confidence a boost.
6- Stop negative self talk
We already know now what negative self talk is, and we know it can be changed into positive attitude. All you have to do is be objective, nobody's perfect and nobody doesn't have natural qualities and abilities , define your abilities, define your qualities, write them down over and over till you believe in them, and stop being too harsh to yourself you aren't that harsh to your friends how can you be to yourself.
7- Fix your poor self image
Sometimes the lack of self confidence is caused by the one's poor self image.
Self image is your mental picture, how you see yourself physically, self image is part of self concept which is the total bundle of beliefs you have about yourself which is hidden in your subconscious mind like ( I'm fat, I'm unorganized, I'm practical.etc).
Poor self image is when you think you are fat, ugly and unattractive and that's mostly developed in young age from accumulated criticism
Poor self image affects your behavior it makes you shy, retiring and lacking self confidence, the only way to fix your poor self image is create new self image, picture yourself how you want to be make it a goal, write it down, act like you already that person in your mind and practice daily.
Self confidence is very important trait, it's the fact you have trust in yourself and like any relationship can't live without trust, how do you except to live without it trust. "As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live "Johann von Goethe.
