subject: Blame it All on Antibiotics [print this page] Blame it All on Antibiotics Blame it All on Antibiotics
Blame it all on Antibiotics
By
Frenchy Shapiro
It's time to admit it and cast blame on the one culprit that has created most of the world's financial problems to date and that is antibiotics. That's right, you have read correctly- the world's financial problems are due to antibiotics - all of them. From Social Security and Medicare to Obamacare and the financial meltdown of Greece which threatens both the euro and the European Union are all due to antibiotics.
I know, I know, you probably think this guy forgot to take his meds this morning and is just ranting and raving, spewing verbal diarrhea because the silicone chip inside his head had switched to overload (Boomtown Rats, circa 1980). But me and my friend Razzoo Kelly have been carefully looking into this for the past couple of years and have determined that the world would have been better off without antibiotics.
Let me explain, prior to the 1950's the leading cause of death in the world was infectious diseases, of course WWII didn't help but that was a side bar, considering the baby boomer generation happened right after. Antibiotics became a main stay in the industrialized nations like the US during the fifties. Coincidently at the same time the United States started to show the first signs of increasing life expectancy. Also today, the leading cause of death in the US is cancer, followed by heart disease and then finally infectious diseases.
Think about it. One hundred years ago things like cellulitis, bacterial pneumonia and dysentery were death sentences in all of the more advanced societies of the world. Forget third world cultures. Today they're treated in outpatient settings, ER's or other urgent care centers and in some instances (even by doctors) and survival rates are greater than 90% if treated correctly.
So like any other species on the earth, what happens when you eliminate its primary predator? You have a population explosion. Look at the increase of humans around the world in the last few decades. Don't believe me? Look at deer populations, especially along the east coast. The last hundred years or so, predators such as wolves and cougars (the four-legged kind, not the two legged kind) have been eliminated either through hunting or human encroachment.
I know advancements in medical technology have helped but the lynch pin still is antibiotics, considering the number of post-procedure infections that occur. And don't forget the use of prophylactic antibiotics during surgery and certain invasive procedures. How many post-op infections were prevented because of timely prophylactic antibiotics? Personally my ashes would have been spread over the Bronx three years ago if it wasn't for antibiotics (a bad case of diverticulitis left me septic). Without antibiotics, it would have been adios Frenchy.
So now that we have established that antibiotics are keeping us alive longer, let's explain how it helps create the financial mess we are seeing. Take Greece for instance: public employees retire at 52 and depending on what you read, because Greece itself doesn't know, over fifty percent of the workforce is public. This wouldn't be bad if life expectancy was 54. Two years - I can live with that, but when you start talking about 25-30 years, that's a lot of escarole if you know what I mean. So who pays for it? You got it, the taxpayer!
To add insult to injury, let's not forget the fact that the human race overall is not having as many kids as it used to. Why? Well, a hundred years ago, back on the farm, kids were a source of cheap labor. I mean all you had to do is feed them, clothe them and give them a place to sleep at night. Hell even the school year had breaks in the calendar year for planting and harvesting. But today kids are expensive, that's why you see one, two or none.
Unfortunately it's not universal. If you don't believe me watch, "Idiocracy" directed by Mike Judge and starring Luke Wilson. It's a movie where the dumb people are reproducing, while smarter individuals try and prefect their lives before having kids. However, by the time they get around to it, it's too late. Sounds like my second marriage.
Now I know what you're going to say next, "But Frenchy, what about the toxic loans, what about manufacturing." It's still all related to antibiotics.
As far as the toxic loans are concerned, I like to refer to the cartoon Razzo did back in February of 2008 showing how these loans came about. The big problem was that teacher pension plans and countries, Iceland, bought up these assets because they had a triple A bond rating (psycho). Why did they buy them in the first place you ask? It's simple to try and get a bigger yield on their investment to pay teachers their pensions for longer periods of time. Why? That's right because antibiotics are making them live longer, capice.
It's the same with manufacturing. Retirees are living longer, so in order to pay for their retirement, the hourly wages of workers increase to help pay for the pensions. Increased labor costs make products less competitive and manufacturing gets shipped over-seas to countries that don't have such policies. Again the retirees are living longer because of antibiotics. Now we have that Senator from Pennsylvania, not Specter, the other one who is trying to push legislation for $165 billion to bail out failing union pension plans. Hey would somebody please tell me where that money tree is? I need a couple of pounds of twenties.
So what do we do about it? We could always stop making antibiotics that should knock off about twenty years of life expectancy that'll bring us to age 58. Medicare and Social Security will correct itself in about 3-5 years. There probably won't even be a need for Obamacare. Within ten years the international markets will stabilize.
Unfortunately that idea is about as popular as a radioactive enema.
A popular idea that's being thrown around lately is increasing the age of retirement; like in Greece where they want to increase it from 52 to 67. Already they're rioting in the streets. Wait until it becomes reality. Here in the US they're thinking about raising it from 65 to 75. On paper this sounds great, but let's looks at it from a practical point of view. Here in the US we have sixty year-olds being laid off because of seniority. How the hell are they going to work until 75? It's not gonna fly, Orville. That 58 number is looking better and better, ain't it?
Here's an idea - people will have to look at having second and maybe even third careers to make it to 75, then possibly you're looking at maybe 15-20 years tops at retirement. That may be doable, but by then, life expectancy will be 100 and we'll be working until we're ninety (yeesh). I know, I know, it's going to cut into your TV time especially, American Idol, Jerry Springer and ESPN. Unfortunately it's this or the radioactive enema.
