subject: Book review: As the Sycamore Grows [print this page] Book review: As the Sycamore Grows Book review: As the Sycamore Grows
Non-Fiction/Biography
As the Sycamore Grows
Jennie Miller Helderman
2010
The Summers Bridgewater Press, Inc.
ISBN: 978-0-9827732-0-8
Pages: 353
In As the Sycamore Grows, author Jennie Miller Helderman documents the stories of both halves of an abusive relationship. Helderman interviewed the victim and the batterer as well as members of their families, friends and neighbors to get to the root causes of the abuse in marriage of Ginger and Mike McNeil. This book shows how abuse and victimhood have a core, a foundation that often begins in childhood. It shows that both the victim and the batterer learn behaviors that set them on a dangerous course. The only way to change direction is through self-awareness and a willingness to make adjustments to the blueprint that has already been drawn for their lives.
Ginger was raised in the Church of Christ where women and children were taught to be submissive to the men of the family. In Ginger's church, many actions fell into the category of sin, including remarriage after divorce: "they could eat, sleep, and breathe, anything else was a sin. Like mud, sin clung to their wings (31)." Ginger grew up believing her father was her protector, and even in adulthood, she continued to crave his approval.
Her first marriage ended because her husband was emotionally negligent and she soothed her pain with other men. Ginger's ex-husband was awarded custody of their son, Trent. She was disowned by her parents and her church. Self-esteem issues that were based in her strict, guilt-ridden upbringing made Ginger prone to depression and an easy target for possessive men. When she met Mike, Ginger was living on her own. He was older with a sick wife and two children. Ginger tried to set boundaries, but it was too easy for Mike to bulldoze over her good intentions. He moved into her apartment one night and that was it. They were officially a couple. They married and had two sons. Ginger was controlled in her first marriage with money and neglect. She was controlled in her second marriage to Mike with money, isolation, poverty, intimidation, mental and physical abuse.
In her interviews with Mike, Helderman learned that his father was emotionally and physically abusive. Mike did not want to become his father, but ended up abusing both his first wife and Ginger. In the book, Mike fluctuates from accepting some responsibility for the abuse he inflicted upon Ginger to declaring that women were made to serve men.
Helderman, a journalist and advocate for women and children, offers balance and insight to this story. She illustrates the role religion had on Ginger's self-esteem and how Mike used it to justify his actions. Ginger and Mike's entire lives set the tone for the abuse in their marriage.
This book should be required reading for every court advocate, shelter worker, counselor, attorney, and judge who works with domestic violence cases. The work that Helderman has put into the book is the course that needs to be followed to end domestic violence. Simply rescuing the victim has proven not to be enough. This type of violence is a family affair and its roots run deep. This book proves that domestic violence is not about a single abusive incident, or a victim who leaves only to return again and again. No, the seed of domestic violence begins to grow long before two people with the right mix of characteristics, insecurities and old pain ever meet.
As the Sycamore Grows is amazing, powerful and raw; I highly recommend it.
