subject: The Best Way To Get Back Your Happy Marriage And Keep It [print this page] The Best Way To Get Back Your Happy Marriage And Keep It
New marriages typically start out being completely happy, at least before the honeymoon is over and the pixie dust is gone. There are high and low cycles in every marriage. There are times more loving than other times. There are times tougher than other times. Time changes emotions and attitudes as well as conditions. How a couple manages the down times is a crucial forecaster of the future of the union. Major complications arise when the low times become more common and last longer in comparison to up cycles. During the low times, communication with your partner is sparse and unproductive. When you attempt to speak to your partner, you get nothing but lies and stress, or the basic silent treatment. This does not mean that your marriage is doomed to failure. There still can be a bright future ahead for both of you.
There can be numerous explanations for the way this situation arose. Insensitivity, work concerns, infidelity, decline of enthusiasm, lack of awareness, and financial troubles are only a few. You may think that you are on your own trying to keep your marriage whole. You feel the burden of saving your marriage rests on your back. You cannot resolve this alone. It takes each spouse working hard together to make a partnership work, and especially to restore it after it flounders.
It can be possible, even probable, that the two of you are aware of your marriage failing. Most likely both of you desire to keep your marriage from failing, but neither of you know how, and neither of you know the other partner feels the same way. The fundamental question is, "How do we get our happy marriage back?"
Nobody chooses to live in this heartbreaking and discouraging predicament. For some reason you wound up here, and it seems to be hopeless. Even so, a large number of the most despairing relationships are often repairable. If each partner is ready to do what it takes, their lives can be brought back to normal. Most men and women really do not choose to go through a divorce and suffer the loss of their partner and family. Divorce is so destructive and final. Many husbands and wives in situations such as this just want a magical device that could return them to their happier times. A cozy illusion, but unfortunately or even fortunately there are no retries at living. You possibly can learn to deal with matters differently going forward; but you are unable to erase history.
Nonetheless, there are ways to rekindle the loving and nurturing thoughts the two of you once had for each other, a bit like symbolically going back in time. It takes time, effort, commitment, and determination on the part of each spouse. One partner cannot do this alone. It takes a cooperative effort and hard work by both partners.
Apologizing for everything, perhaps even things you did not do or you did not contribute to, will not save a failing relationship. Playing the bad guy merely exhibits weakness and dependency. Durable successful relationships are not created with a weak and dependent spouse. Pleading, begging, and making promises you are unable to keep achieves absolutely nothing. This only indicates that you do not have respect for yourself. To get your partner interested in you once more, you have to love yourself foremost. You need to respect yourself foremost. You can then show your spouse that you are someone worthy of your partner's respect and love. Peer into the mirror. When you can proclaim to the person looking back at you that you really want to get to know him or her better, instead of turning and running, you will be ready start repairing your marriage.
The initial step for both partners is to agree that the relationship is definitely worth preserving. The next task is for both partners to agree to accomplish whatever it takes to save the partnership. This has to be the foundation of any rebuilding plan. The next step is for both partners to learn to communicate. I say 'learn to communicate' because if you already knew how to communicate, you would not be in your standoffish and failing situation. Both parties have to work together on this communication issue. Too many times one of the spouses will attack, accuse, and holler inducing the other partner to strike back or to retreat into cocoon mode by tuning out and turning off. Communication does not mean that the loudest talker is the winner. Communication is never about showing you are right and your spouse wrong. Communication never means one spouse does all the talking.
Wherever good communications prevail, there will be no losers, only winners. Communication usually means discussing your thoughts and also the foundation for those feelings, in such a way your spouse wants to listen closely. Additionally, communication also means listening to your spouse talk about his emotions and his reasons for them. A good communicator knows when to shut up and listen. In addition, bite your tongue if you feel the need to interrupt. Interrupting disturbs the thought processes of the talker, and may very well be a bone of contention by itself.
Both partners need to listen with an objective balance and recognize what the other is saying. Under no circumstances, write it off as being absolutely wrong. This does not mean you must agree with what they are stating, but the listener must acknowledge what the other partner says as a start to a successful dialogue and repair process. Without exceptions, avoid placing blame. In the event you cannot listen with an open mind, you will never know what is bothering your spouse, and your marital difficulties will not be resolved.
Once the lines of communication have been open between the spouses, many things can be achieved. Old challenges are often discussed and resolved. New issues can be discussed and dealt with as they occur, and not allowed to grow into monstrous barriers to love. Generally, there will always be differences when two people live together, even between the members of the most loving families. Differences do not need to be relationship busters. Minor disagreements do not have to be worked out and settled immediately. They can be recognized for what they are and consigned to some non-confrontational level. There will often be these trivial disagreements, and the spouses need to discuss options to ensure they are tolerable to both sides. Handling these trivial irritations will significantly help in maintaining a viable partnership.
In a healthy relationship, good communication helps resolve even the most difficult predicaments, and helps prevent any of them from ever growing to be overpowering problems.
One last bit of advice: Do not forget that professional help is definitely readily available for issues that seem insurmountable for the two of you to handle privately.
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