subject: How Some Simple Steps Can Help You Avoid a Relationship Meltdown [print this page] How Some Simple Steps Can Help You Avoid a Relationship Meltdown
Life happens!
Relationships become strained, emotions run high and when anger or dissension is present, the key is to respond and not react. I do know that this is perhaps far easier said than done, but with a little practice and a few strategies in place, it does become more achievable.
When you are in a situation that is tense and you yourself are uptight and on the "slow boil" it is very difficult to maintain a clear head and not just say straight out what you are thinking at that particular moment in time. However, in as much as the urge to do this is uppermost in your mind, if you can take a moment to just step back and review the situation you may be able to stop the flow of inappropriate words. I say inappropriate because however much it will make you feel a lot better to say them, it just won't ease the problem.
If you see that tension is already apparent and the situation is approaching a volatile point, try taking a look at the contentious issue in a dispassionate way. In other words, try to disassociate yourself from the feelings of anger or frustration you may be experiencing at that point in time. This means being really honest with yourself in your assessment of the situation. Ask yourself the question "Is the relationship more important than the point I want to make?" If your answer to this question is yes push those inflammatory feelings away, because immersing yourself in these feelings or allowing them to expand will definitely put you in a reactionary frame of mind. I also do not mean that you should back down each time there is a point of confrontation. No, not at all, but avoiding potentially damaging emotional flare ups can go a long way to improving your relationship.
Another thing that can help is putting yourself in your partner's place. Does your partner have a valid cause for complaint? Is the point of contention something that needs solving immediately or could it be discussed at a later point in time when you have both had time to calm down. Are you both able to calm down or does either one of you feel that is has to be resolved straight away?
So now the problem arises that your partner may want the point in question resolved immediately. Firstly, can you remain calm enough to asses the situation and respond, not react, and try to work through the problem? Secondly, are you able to listen to what they have to say, while still keeping an open mind? Thirdly, should their grievance be valid, can you respond appropriately? Lastly, if you then feel it is not a valid point, are you able to respond in a non inflammatory way whilst sharing your own point of view?
The issue now is your ability to remain calm, to take a step back and to listen first without letting your emotions run away with you. In other words, listen with your heart and not your head.
On the other hand, should you be the one who wants an immediate up front discussion of the problem, I suggest you look deeply inside yourself to determine if you are just being difficult, angry, or whether your grievance is genuine. If you realise you are needlessly pursuing a point, you need to do your best to calm yourself down or walk away from the disagreement without turning your back on your partner in a rude way. Perhaps you both need a cooling off period? However, if you have a genuine grievance, try to put your point across in a non confrontational way which will give you both the opportunity to solve the problem. If you don't require an immediate solution can you both agree to back off, calm down and discuss it rationally at a later stage?
The whole point is not to win or always be the one that is right, but to work to improve your relationship. After all, the whole point of you being together is to enjoy each other and to celebrate your differences. Imagine how boring your relationship would be if you both agreed on everything and neither of you had a differing point of view? I guess one could say it would be a lot calmer, but it would be a lot more mundane too.
By building your relationship, cementing each other's strong points and also being prepared to be flexible when the situation requires, it you will be able to go from strength to strength and have a lasting and enduring partnership built on love, mutual respect and genuine companionship that will change your life.
