subject: 2 Keys For Successful Communication [print this page] 2 Keys For Successful Communication 2 Keys For Successful Communication
In this article, I want to share two key concepts for successful communication.
Aspergers and the other autism spectrum conditions take place on a spectrum. Therefore, I cannot assume that this information I am sharing is either too simple or too complex. I am sharing this information with the hope that children, teens, and adults will be able to benefit from these concepts.
And let me say that this material may not just benefit individuals on the autism spectrum. Increasingly I am finding that the principles of social and emotional intelligence apply to all of us in varying degrees.
One of the workbooks I have just started working my way through is Social Skills Training, by Dr. Jed E. Baker. He lays out some very helpful strategies and protocols for teaching (and learning) communication; cooperation; friendship management; and emotion management skills (self-regulation; empathy; and conflict management).Find a Therapist
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The two concepts I'm going to share are adapted from his section on communication.
The first concept is called listening position, which builds the foundation for listening appropriately to another person.For your Listening Position:a) Make eye contact.b) Stay still.
Quiet hands and feet.c) Don't interrupt (this is one I myself struggle with).
Don't talk while others are talking.d) If you are in a group (or in a class), and you want to say something, raise your hand and wait to be called on. (Or, if you are an adult, wait for the person to finish speaking before stating your own thought).
It can be helpful to write these concepts on a flashcard, and make a point of practicing these concepts. If, as an adult, you have a friend you trust, you can ask that friend to watch you and coach you.
For practice, ask yourself: "Who will I try this with?" "When?"
Once you have practiced, review: "What happened?" "How did I do?"
As a parent or teacher, you can work on role playing activities to compare and contrast right and wrong ways to interact when it comes to listening.
For example, you might want to practice interrupting your child with Asperger's when s/he is trying to talk to you. Or you might practice moving around or playing with some object when your child is trying to tell you something. Have your child tell you what you did wrong. Then have your child role play the correct way to do this.The second skill is called Tone of VoiceFirst, you want to use just enough volume in your voice so others can hear you.
a) We've heard teachers use the concept of 'inside voice' to help children understand that when there are fewer noises around, you can use a softer voice.
b) Your voice may need to be a bit louder when you are outside or there are many other noices around.Second, try not too speak too fast, or others will not understand you.Third, unless you are angry with someone, use a happy, respectful tone of voice.
I would add here that each person, again, is unique. You may or may not struggle with your tone of voice. On the other hand, you may not be aware of how you sound.
When I was in training to become a psychotherapist, I had a very uncomfortable but very educational experience. In practice sessions with fellow students, one of us had to be the counselor, and the other person was the counselee. The 'session' would be videotaped and audiotaped. Later on, our teacher or supervisor would tell us what we did well, and would give us suggestions about what we could do better. I was often amazed at how I sounded, and some of the mannerisms I used (and there were some not so helpful ones!).
In the same way, you may want to consider using a camcorder or tape recorder to get a better idea of how you present yourself, your tone of voice, your pacing when you speak, and your facial expressions.
You can role play with another friend or with your child to practice different tones of voice for different situations: e.g., inside the class or home, when no one else is speaking (quiet voice); inside the class or home when others are speaking (louder voice); inside the class or home when you are right next to the listener (quiet voice); outside on the street, or in a park where there is more noise (louder voice).
Your child (or you) can practice using an angry tone of voice when in a situation that would be appropriate (e.g., your child telling another child to stop hitting her).
You can then have your child practice using a respectful voice when making a request.
Again, I encourage you to use a recorder or camcorder so that you can review it later.
Again, for practice, ask yourself: "Who will I try this with?" "When?"
Once you have practiced, review: "What happened?" "How did I do?"
I encourage you to practice these skills with a friend until it becomes more and more natural. Like driving a car, it can seem mechanical and awkward at first. But over time, it can become second nature.
One of the difficulties I face is that I am not on the spectrum. So I can understand if some of these points may not connect with you. But I would love to hear your feedback about what has worked for you! Or, let me know what is helpful from this article. Thanks for reading!
