subject: What Passes For Communication From A Man [print this page] What Passes For Communication From A Man What Passes For Communication From A Man
Men and women are very different animals. That whole "Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus" thing sounds catchy, but I'd be much more likely to use Mecury and Pluto as points of galactic reference. It's that great of a divide.
When it comes to communication, there is little wonder why half of all marriages end in divorce. Stop to consider how diametrically opposed the methodology is here. Women love to talk, they like to share their problems, getting everything out in the open and resolving the conflict. Men on the other hand, will sit and stew over something for days. For some reason we just don't like to talk things out. If we did, it would be over far earlier. For some reason we insist on doing it the hard way.
We also don't make time for the woman in our lives like we should, and this is a mystery. We will make time for our friends, for sports, things like that, but when it comes down to just carving out time to spend with our wives or girlfriends, we almost always drop the ball. You have to remember that women often spell "love" as t-i-m-e. Spending time with her demonstrates your love and commitment to her, and done right, it can be the gift that keeps on giving, if you know what I mean.
Learn to listen far more than you talk. Believe it or not, as men, we just aren't that interesting. We're basic..food, TV, sex, and that's pretty much it. Talking about ourselves all the time, as much as we love to do it, just isn't going to make many points with our significant others. Learn how to listen to her. Ask her how her day went and then pay attention when she tells you. You will find that women are infinitely more interesting than the sound of our own voice. Again, that whole "time" thing. Give her the time and attention she needs. You won't regret it.
Don't try to win in a fight. There are no winners in fights between lovers, just wounded feelings that may take a long time to heal, and angry words that can never be taken back. Know when to back off, let her vent her frustration, even if it is at you. Even if you do beat her into submission (figuratively of course), what have you won? I'll give you a hint..nothing. Is that what you really want? Learn to back off and stop trying to come out King Of The Proverbial Hill. Opt instead for just letting her know you care and are there for her. She may not be ready to make nice just yet, but don't worry, she will be.
Don't pretend to be interested when you're not. Guys, our attention span just isn't that long, we're not very good actors, and she will see right through your charade fairly quickly. It's almost better to just blow her off than to feign interest, but not by much.
Don't insist on all the attention all the time. Again, we're just not that interesting, and even the mindless charm that some get by on will only take you so far. Expend some effort and validate your woman by lavishing the lion's share of the attention on her.
Don't twist her words against her. Guys are really good at this, picking out of a discussion or disagreement only what we need to hear to formulate a response. This is where paying attention comes back into play. Listen to what is actually being said. You may find more acceptable ground on which to stand when making your response.
And of course, none of us want to become that most clich'd of all men, the insensitive jerk. This comes out in the form of having our own agenda and our own needs and desires met at all costs, with little or no regard for how it affects our significant other. The jerk refuses compassion, or any admission of wrongdoing, and in more extreme cases, can become verbally or physically abusive. Do your woman a favor and run over yourself with the lawnmower before degenerating into this guy.
