subject: 3 Big Reasons to Ignore Your Partner's Angst in Order to Have a Great Relationship [print this page] 3 Big Reasons to Ignore Your Partner's Angst in Order to Have a Great Relationship
By Susie and Otto Collins
Julia's husband Patrick has been a real bear to be around lately. She knows that he is going through some challenges at work and he is also being called on to assist his elderly parents more and more.
While she feels compassion for her husband's current trials, Julia is having a difficult time knowing exactly how to support Patrick. It seems that everything she does sets him off and creates more distance in their relationship.
You may be well aware of the causes of your partner's angst and inner turmoil. Or, you might not fully know or understand what seems to be upsetting your mate lately.
What you probably do know is that something is bothering the one you love and you'd like to help...and continue to be close and connected as a couple too.
Many couples move further and further away from each other as one (or both) of them encounters tension or a full-blown crisis.
In cases like this, we actually suggest that you ignore your partner's angst.
Please hear us clearly. We are NOT recommending that you ignore your partner or discount how he or she is feeling.
If you truly want to be a source of support and have a great relationship too, do not make these mistakes.
Don't try to fix it.
When a loved one has a problem, many people want to swoop in and take care of the situation for the other person. This can feel disempowering and may not even be the solution that he or she was looking for in the first place.
Don't judge.
Your partner's challenge not seem like a big deal to you-- or maybe it seems catastrophic. In either case, don't diminish or inflate what's going on for your mate with your judgments and blame.
Don't take responsibility for it (unless you have played a part).
It is sometimes tempting to assume complete responsibility for a difficulty if you believe it will ease your loved one's angst. If you truly hold little or no responsibility in whatever is happening, this step will not help anyone-- and it might even create resentment in your relationship.
Don't make these mistakes.
Instead, learn how to be supportive of your partner without taking on, judging or trying to fix the angst.
