subject: Is Online Dating a Numbers' Game? [print this page] Is Online Dating a Numbers' Game? Is Online Dating a Numbers' Game?
Pick-up artists tend to see online dating as a numbers' game: if you contact X women, this will lead to Y coffee dates and Z intimate relationships on average. You could be a modern day Casanova, dating someone different every week depending on how many messages you send and how many write back.
Make meaningful connections
Don't sit on the fence waiting for love to happen: if you like someone's dating profile and think there's a match, be pro-active about getting in touch. The more messages you send, the more responses and results you're likely to get in return - this is a universal truth.
More than a numbers' game
However, online dating is more than just a numbers' game. Dating is about establishing a connection and building rapport. Your partner and you need to be on the same wave length - this is true whether you're looking for no strings fun or a serious relationship.
More often than not, sending a large number of standardized messages is a tremendous waste of time and money. Your contact my not even read your message if they don't sign-in on a regular basis or their profile is inactive. And if they do, a short boilerplate message such as 'Hi' or 'Nice profile' could put them off altogether. People tend to look for signs that you've read their profile and genuinely believe there's a match.
Last but not least, sending a large number of standardized messages could trigger spam alerts with the dating site itself if your behavior is suspicious or reported by other members. You wouldn't want to be banned for a site simply for looking for love.
Our tips
Instead, we suggest that you:
Contact people you genuinely feel are a good match. Search for singles in your area, age range and/or those with similar interests.
Make your messages unique - tell them what made you want to get in touch from reading their profile. Make sure you mention something that is unique about them.
If you follow these tips, you'll send fewer messages overall because each will take longer to write. However, you're likely to get more responses in return because people will appreciate the time you took to read their profile and craft a response.
If you're keen on playing a numbers' game, focus on growing the number of responses you get rather than the number of messages you send.
