subject: Couples and Money:Transforming Money Relationship Struggles Through Conscious Awareness [print this page] Couples and Money:Transforming Money Relationship Struggles Through Conscious Awareness
We can learn a lot about ourselves and begin to transform our interactions and relationships when we set the intention to become aware of the internal conversations that we have about other people in our lives; especially couples and money discussions.
It often seems like we don't have any power to transform our interactions with others especially if we indulge in judgment and critical thinking about someone or frequently find ourselves disagreeing or getting upset with others.
In the heat of the moment it often seems like the other person is at fault. However, when we believe that other people are the source of our feelings, we are unintentionally giving away our power to change our situation and instead are left with waiting for others to change.
During one of my past interviews with Pike Place Fish Market on my radio show
When I was interviewing the employees of the Seattle Pike Place Fish Market on my radio show several years ago they shared with me that they had a particular employee who used to show up at work grumpy.
After some time most of the employees began to think of him as being difficult to work with. During a staff meeting they decided that they were going to choose a new internal conversation about this "difficult" employee. They decided that they were going to think of him as being a superstar. All of them agreed to commit to this new internal conversation. As a result, they began to treat him differently because their internal conversations about him had changed.
Sometimes they would even greet him in the morning and say, "Hey, good to see you superstar!" He began to show up differently around them. He soon became an outstanding employee, engaging and having fun with the other crewmembers. He showed up differently after the crew members began to show up differently.
Shortly after this interview I had a meeting with a colleague of mine. Even though I loved her dearly, she was the sort of person who would spend the majority of our conversations talking about herself and her own issues. I would listen patiently, but at some point in our conversation I would inevitably realize that I was actually feigning interest and even growing bored.
One afternoon, as I walked to the restaurant where we had planned to meet, I noticed my internal conversations slowly brewing. In an instant I recognized that the conversation I had going on inside my head about my colleague was not a very empowering one to be taking on, the conversation in my mind was saying,
"I'm going to have to force myself to be excited about talking to her. She's going to spend most of the time talking about herself, and I'm going to spend all my time looking forward to the moment when I get to leave."
Noticing my internal conversation
This internal conversation certainly wasn't supportive of my higher vision to connect with others from a place of open-heartedness. In a split second I made a choice to create an entirely different conversation about my colleague. I said to myself, "I am going to have a wonderful and exciting time with her this morning and both of us are really going to enjoy ourselves and our connection with each other."
The result? We had an amazing synergistic and engaging conversation! She asked me questions and genuinely took an interest in what I had to say. I felt like I was witnessing a miracle unfold right before my very eyes. It was as if I was talking to a completely different person!
By choosing a more empowering internal conversation about the people and events in our lives, we show up differently. We're able to let go of our judgments and assessments, which allows us to interact with others from a place of true connection. And in turn, the way we show up permeates our interactions and affects our colleagues, spouses, friends and family members in very powerful ways.
Your live and love richly action step
How can you apply this concept to uniting together as a team when it comes to handling money in your marriage? What have your internal conversations about your partner sounded like? In other words if you could record your internal conversations about your partner in regards to money and finances what would it sound like?
Chances are those conversations are not very empowering! Believe it or not, this is how we constantly create our "reality" each day. What's a new more empowering internal conversation that you could choose to take on about your partner and money? Choose that new conversation for a week and commit to it no matter what and see if you don't have more positive interactions as a couple around money!
