subject: Why Looks Matter in Dating - 3 Things About Looks That Give You More Dating Success [print this page] Why Looks Matter in Dating - 3 Things About Looks That Give You More Dating Success
Firstly because looks are actually important... and secondly, maybe... maybe I wanna talk about it because I'm just a big drama queen who likes controversy from time to time.
It's quite funny to me to see all these dating coaches, dating experts, and dating gurus struggle to give you reasons why looks don't matter, but looks DO matter.
Don't get me wrong, they matter less than most guys think they do, but looks matter in entirely different ways than just "he's hot" type of thinking.
So before I throw my 3 reasons why looks matter in dating at you, I want to point out to you that looks DON'T matter like you think they do. If that sounds strange, I promise you, it will make a lot more sense after you checked out my article...
Why Looks Matter In Dating Reason #1: The Halo Effect
Ever heard of Robert Cialdini? Don't worry, he's not another dating coach like me. His bestselling book Influence is one of the finest works on the psychology behind persuasion ever. In it, he describes several research projects that seemed to prove the existence of what he called "the halo effect".
The halo effect works like this: people tend to think that attractive people are also happier, more outgoing, more successful, kinder and have many other positive traits. In less-individualistic cultures beautiful people are assumed to have traits that those cultures value, such as concern for others, loyalty and integrity.
The stereotype acts as a self-fulfilling prophecy where the perception of attractive people as more valuable members of society leads to them receiving preferential treatment, positive feedback and other benefits.
As you can see: looks matter in dating!
Why Looks Matter In Dating Reason #2: Catering To Criteria
As a dating coach, I can tell from experience that your style of clothing matters. I've seen it a million times with my students, but let me tell you about some of my personal experiences with catering to criteria.
Over here in the Netherlands, there are lots of Middle Eastern and North African (Moroccan, Egyptian, etc.) women. A symbol of islamic and Middle Eastern pride is the shawls Arafat (Palestinian leader, R.I.P.) always used to wear. You know, those shawls with blocks of red and white or black and white?
Well, guess what? Whenever it's cold in the winter I put one of those shawls on... and Middle Eastern and North African women magically start looking my way a hell of a lot more, try to make eye contact like all the time, smile at me constantly... and the list goes on and on.
In the summer though, I love wearing caps. Maybe because I was born and raised on basketball, maybe not. Anyways, the moment I walk around with my basketball caps on, wearing a standard color t-shirt (white, black, blue, something like that)?
Urban women magically start looking my way a hell of a lot more. Black women, Latin women, "ghetto-ish" women... or whatever you want to call them.
Why?
Because I'm displaying a trait of their type of man, the type of guy they would be interested in. So, meeting women that are your type works both ways. Say you like latin women, then your best bet is to not only to go to salsa, merengue, and reggaeton parties but to also start wearing Spanish looking stuff. T-shirts with Spanish texts, artists, flags, and so on.
It makes a difference... and winning with women is exactly that: standing out in a sea of boring, desperate losers that women can't ever feel attracted to.
Why Looks Matter In Dating Reason #3: Negative Emotions
Negative emotions can KILL your chances with women and your current relationships. We tend to project our emotions on the people we care about the most. So, if you feel frustrated, angry, disappointed, and so forth a lot of times... guess who will suffer from it? The woman you like the most.
Either you'll "bash" your girlfriend with the negative emotions that can't go anywhere else, or you'll scare the woman you want to ask out with your negative atmosphere that signals neediness and frustration = attraction killers all over the place.
What do looks have to do with that?
Simple: if you find yourself an outlet for the negative energy you collect for all kinds of reasons, you'll be more open, more social, more patient, and more confident. These are all traits that women like... and what's the easiest and most effective way to get rid of your negative energy?
Working out.
And there you have it: another area of life where the dating game and looks intertwine. Working out makes you look better, fitter, more muscular, etc. while it helps you get rid of those nasty negative emotions that will have a bad influence on your dating success.
And there you go: 3 reasons why looks matter in dating. I told you they mattered in different ways than you would have thought!
I hope this article expands your mind a little bit, because that was the whole purpose of making it in the first place: to give you a different, better perspective on how looks work in the dating game.
So, from now on? Let the halo effect work for you, cater to criteria, and start working out to get rid of those nasty negative emotions! That's the best advice I can give you about looks as a dating coach.
To More Dating Success,
Dennis Miedema
Win With Women
P.S. Dennis Miedema is the author of The Simple Inner Game System and a trusted authority on dating advice for men. During the last 2 years, he has helped 603 men approach 10.854 women, get 2.713 phone numbers, and go on 904 dates. If not more. Hes a guy that talks the talk and walks the walk, a top dating coach that truly cares because he makes a point of being available for dating advice almost 24 hours a day.
Dennis has been recognized by the Seduction Syndicate (a large group of dating coaches) and dating gurus such as Carlos Xuma, Scot McKay and Adam Lyons for giving top notch dating advice for men from a unique perspective.
Check out his blog at: http://www.win-with-women.com.
