subject: Intuitive Coaching Lesson - How to Handle Difficult People [print this page] Intuitive Coaching Lesson - How to Handle Difficult People
Learning how to handle difficult people can be difficult and onerous, until you see the opportunities they can offer you. When you accept that you can actually learn from such people then it can be very educational - you can learn something about them and about yourself. This is one of the most valuable intuitive coaching lessons I offer to my clients.Dealing with difficult people need not be a negative experience, even though you don't get along with them or have a rough time having them around. These people often seem like huge obstacles to your happiness. You may have wondered, "What's his problem?" Or, "Doesn't she understand how rude she is?" In fact, some of your thoughts may be too harsh to share. Sometimes such people can be genuinely harmful to you and have to be avoided. Others may turn out to be your personal gurus. A personal life coach can help you figure out which is which.Often the people you have the most difficulty with are your next mentors. They have something to show you that you need to learn. If you avoid them, they show up again and again until you realize that you have to learn to accept them. Doing that means making changes in how you regard them. Learning how to handle difficult people is not about changing them - you will rarely achieve that, so changing them should not be your focus. It's about changing your own attitude to them. Let's take an example: Someone who moves slowly may be the person who teaches you patience. I was exposed to several of these "patience" mentors for years - until I finally learned to relax, breathe and even talk to them. Sometimes I still need reminder mentors, such as the slow driver in front of me this morning. I accepted that what was irritating to me might actually be of benefit if I adopted their practice, or at least accepted the reason or benefit of them moving slowly. Slow moving people have also helped me in other ways, such as preventing me from getting speeding tickets from the cops ahead.Other people may be irritating because they exhibit a behavior that you don't like in yourself. If you find yourself squirming because of the way somebody acts or even speaks, then look in the mirror. You can't be just like them, can you? Or perhaps you are, and you have that niggling fear that maybe you seem to them as they seem to you. Admitting it is a step forward to dealing with difficult people positively. Here are four steps on handling difficult people in your life:1. Determine if the person is a mentor or not needed in your life. Avoid the mean and honor the mentor - even if they do not know that they are your mentor. 2. Look at what bothers you about the person and determine whether or not you have some similar characteristics. You might already know about, or it may take some self-analysis to understand how you may look in their eyes. Maybe you have some traits that you are unhappy about and would prefer not to have. Learn to accept them in yourself and you will accept them in others. Then they won't bother you. Those you believed to be 'difficult people' begin to appear less difficult to get along with. 3. Honor your judgment. In dealing with difficult people your assessment of their behavior may be accurate. They are not always 'normal' and are simply just plain 'difficult'. Next, release your criticism of their behavior and regard the person objectively. Once you do this you'll be able to have compassion and work with them from another level of understanding. You'll then be able to communicate and work with them. That is how to handle difficult people in a more considerate rather than judgmental fashion. Sometimes you will be surrounded by people that you love and whose company you enjoy. At other times you will be forced to spend time with someone who irritates you terribly. When you meet such people, you should thank them within yourself for the lesson you are about to learn. Learning how to handle difficult people is not difficult if you understand how to do it.
