subject: Loving Yourself More by Judging Others Less [print this page] Loving Yourself More by Judging Others Less
Judgments have a funny way of cutting both ways. We judge, gossip, criticize, belittle others; we happily, fervently saw at another's branch without realizing we are indeed cutting the branch we are sitting on.
"Judgement against another is ultimately judgement against self." - Ann Holdreith
I have long struggled with the passage in the Bible teaching "Judge not lest ye be judged". Isn't everything we do based on evaluating situations, judging people, predicting outcomes and weighing off alternatives? Doesn't every decision necessarily require evaluation and judgment, and don't we make hundreds of decisions daily?
All this is true, and yet there are indeed two completely different concepts described by the word "judgment":
Evaluating information in a disassociated manner to take a decision (Is this behavior/option suitable, helpful? Open for reassessment. Dependant on goal/perspective)
Getting emotionally involved, identifying with a position, attributing worth (Is this behavior/option good, true, right? Final, immutable. Absolute)
Of course we need to take decisions, evaluate options, even predict people's behavior to some degree. But this does not mean that we have to condemn others, pass judgment, reduce them to their behavior.
So what happens when we pass judgment on another person?
We create a duality between that person and ourself, a rift.
We distance ourselves from the behavior we are criticizing. Thus we disown said impulse in ourself
We reduce that person to his/her behavior from our limited perspective
We make final, absolute statement about that person. "Even if he's acting all nice now, I know he's still evil".
We create a measure of a person's worth and desirability
By stating that someone else is stupid, irate, unreliable, evil, lazy, etc. we also apply that same measure to ourselves. By evaluating the worth of a person, we imply that we ourselves have a measurable worth. By making our acceptance of others conditional on fulfilling some criteria, we make our self-acceptance subject to criteria as well.
"If I withhold love from anyone, I withhold it from myself" - Deepak Chopra
It is no coincidence that people who are at peace with themselves are at peace with others and vice versa. Judgment against others and judgment of oneself are two sides of the same coin, what we apply to others we necessarily apply to ourselves.
And thus, there are two avenues to follow: We may either learn to accept, forgive, value others, or we may learn to accept, forgive, value ourselves. The outcome will be the same!
"Everything you see in the world is part of you." - Stephen Gilligan
