subject: How do you talk to your significant other about their bad habits? [print this page] How do you talk to your significant other about their bad habits?
Does your significant other have a particular bad habit that just drives you crazy?
One scenario that might drive you crazy is their bad habit of leaving stuff all over the house. They don't know what it is to put a dirty dish in the sink or dishwasher. They leave their dirty socks all over the house or their stinky shoes in the living room instead of putting them away. They never put stuff away when they use it. If you are a neat freak, this would drive you insane every single day. After all, you shouldn't feel like their maid and putting stuff away after them all the time.
In today's society, people are so used to instant gratification they forget what it's like to actually have to work at something to get the rewards. Well, in this scenario, it takes work to get your "SO" (significant other) to get in the habit of not leaving everything lying around, especially if they know it drives you crazy. It's not a process that will happen overnight, so get used to that idea first.
Be ready for the fact that in any relationship, nothing is overnight. Good or bad things don't happen overnight. They take work and sometimes it takes more work than it feels like its worth.
Make sure your frame of mind is in the right place before you approach your "SO" about the habit that is driving you nuts. You don't want them to be on the defensive when you talk to them about changing their habit. It's not a "You against Me" situation.
Make a list of the habits that drive you nuts and figure out which one you want to tackle first. DO NOT hit your "SO" with more than one habit at a time. It will put a definite strain on your relationship and will drive a wedge between you for a period of time.
When you approach your "SO" about the habit, just ask them if they have time to talk to you about something that has been bothering you. That way you will know if they are receptive to talking to you at that moment. Sometimes you have to pick and choose your times to talk.
Whatever you do, DO NOT start with an accusatory tone. Start off by saying you have been noticing that things have changed with them and you want to make sure they are ok and ask if there is something you can do to help them. Sample start would be: "Honey, have you been doing ok? You seem like you have a lot on your mind lately, and is there anything I can help you with?" If they ask "why do you ask", just mention that you noticed that they have been a little absent minded lately by leaving stuff where they don't normally leave them.
If they say they don't want your help with anything, just ask them if they wouldn't mind just fixing that one bad habit. You aren't going to nag them. You might mention that if something is left out, you will take care of it. You don't need to tell them that item will be finding itself in the trash can (or temporarily hidden in a closet, just remember where you put it).
Finally, if you don't already do it, make a "thankful diary" to remind you every day what you love about that person. It can be as simple as a notebook that you write in every day. It will make you feel better when you are faced with their bad habit.
Don't make their bad habit your downfall in your relationship. It is your problem when it comes to dealing with it. It is not their problem of how you feel about it. When you learn to deal with it in your mind, you will be more equipped to handle it in reality and not say or do something that will hurt your relationship instead of helping it.
Life is an adventure. There are never two days the same and God gives us the gift of forgiving, understanding, and loving and we need to use them more.
