subject: Interrupt Your Patterns [print this page] Interrupt Your Patterns Interrupt Your Patterns
As you may or may not have noticed, human beings develop patterns. Some good, some great and some less desirable. The less desirable ones can range from dis-empowering to self-destructive. You may have developed patterns that are not effective, but don't think of this as a character flaw! It's simply a matter of how you've grown in response to what your experiences have exposed you to. Some people find themselves stuck with dating
and relationship patterns that were formulated when they first started dating. I'm sorry, did I say some? Let's dare to be honest. Most people still operate with the relationship skills of a high school or college-aged adult. See the examples below to get an idea of what I mean.
Patterns around who you choose to be in a relationship with:
I didn't feel any chemistry, therefore it's a waste or time to see him anymore.
I am attracted to bad boys, against my better judgment.
I wonder if he came into my life for a reason.
I often wonder "Is he the one?"
I reject men for their height, their age or their education, etc.
If a guy says he loves me, I don't question whether he is right for me.
If he has money (lots of money), I ignore the faults that I wouldn't ignore with someone who has less money.
I choose men because I love who they are, but then find out we are too incompatible for the long term. This results in the feeling that: I love him, I just am not "in love" with him.
I tend to be involved in relationships that have many break-ups and make-ups on and off, for years
Patterns around how you start a relationship:
I am like a chameleon, liking what ever he likes.
In the beginning I act less interested, because men like a challenge. date only one guy at a time, putting all my eggs in one basket.
I watch my phone or email obsessively, waiting for him to contact me.
I don't ask him to do things that I think he won't enjoy.
I regard sex or affection as something he gets if he is good to me.
I have rules about how many times I call or when I respond to his invitation.
I believe that he has to be monogamous when we are first dating.
I pretend to be what I think men like in a woman.
I think the way to teach a man what works for me is telling him when he does something wrong.
I see him being unfaithful or lying to me, but I stay and work to fix the relationship.
Patterns around handling upsets or break-downs:
If he disappoints me, I pay him back by refusing to talk to him or go somewhere.
When I am mad or upset, I shut down to avoid the situation escalating into a fight.
When he asks me what's wrong, I say, "Oh nothing".
When I am really upset, I act cold or aloof for days, if not weeks.
When I am upset, I have a compelling need to tell him what he did wrong, so he won't do it again.
You didn't choose these patterns. They were handed down to you.
Whether you can recognize your own patterns or not, I will tell you that the ones I just shared are common. So common in fact that most women don't realize when they are acting out these patterns, nor see the harm in using them. Some of you don't even know or believe it's possible to have great love, OR you think that being lied to or ignored is normal. There are so many relationships built on such low expectations and tolerance for disrespectful partnerships, that it's abundantly clear that society accepts these less than honorable relationships because people don't know any better.
Since you are reading this, and visiting this website, it's a good chance you are either dissatisfied, or unhappy with your love life. You want something better, but you don't know what you are doing wrong, or how you are choosing poorly. The first step is to recognize your patterns.
Which patterns could be destroying your happiness?
It's difficult for most people to recognize their own patterns that are interfering with their happiness. So don't feel discouraged, if you can't come up with a list. They could be patterns that result in picking the wrong man to love, or they could effect how you start a relationship.
Did you know that most women are actually unconsciously training men on how NOT to be a good partner? Let's face it, mom teaches her children right from wrong and what she has learned in life, but what if the relationship skills that she passes to her children are not the best? For instance, what if she's a super mom and does all the house chores including the laundry and picking up after the kids. Unbeknownst to super mom, she just trained her child to be a lousy partner. Now imagine that self-indulged teen becomes your adult husband. At first, you may miss the big picture on what kind of partner he will be because you are just focused on his charm or ability to connect with you. Unless you've figured out how to uncover what you want to know about him in the beginning, time will eventually reveal the truth. But if you don't have that knowledge or those skills that allow you to understand your man or guide him to be the best partner he can be, the typical strife and disappointments become your reality.
Where does he get his relationship skills from?
The reality is that men get their queues from women. The best husbands are fabulous because of what they have learned from the women they have dated and lived with. Some men learn well and have been with women who are poor partners. In cases like this men learn negative instead of positive relationship skills. Every woman is different, with a unique set of do's and don'ts that will make her happy, so what he has picked up from one woman could drive you nuts. Since most women don't recognize they are always teaching men how to please them, then they are teaching a man what he needs to know by accident, and without knowing what she is teaching him.
Learning to be the greatest "relationship guide" you can be, is your best new pattern!
So what are the good patterns that you need to learn to transform your relationship?
How to pick the most compatible partner.
How to create your SoulMate Map.
How to understand how the early stages of a relationship sets the tone for the rest of your life together.
How to ask for what you want.
How to discuss disappointments and upsets.
How to raise your standards.
How to be a woman who men are devoted to love and honor.
This is just a glimpse into what you need to learn. to learn, The bigger question is how do you learn it? Sign up for our training!
Instead of doing what you always do- using the same approach or the same ideas that haven't worked well so far, how about trying a new approach. Start by learning methods to adopt new effective patterns!
Can you recognize your own patterns? Probably not! Can I see them? Absolutely! To discover your problematic patterns, you have to understand effective patterns because that knowledge will reveal which patterns are ineffective. I've mentioned that most people don't recognize their own patterns, but taking it a step even further, the truth is that most people don't even recognize that their actions are patterns in the first place.
You could seek a therapist or highly trained relationship coach to identify your patterns. Your friends probably can't tell you, either because they don't want to hurt your feelings, or because when they do, you probably deflect or reject their observations. In fact, they too probably operate using the same patterns! Instead, how about we just bypass the whole "analyze your patterns" process and instead, just teach you the ones that are effective! It's the most efficient way to make things clear. When you learn the new patterns, the old ones that don't work will reveal themselves to you. Experience shows that this is a highly effective approach to transforming your relationship success.
If you truly want an incredible transformation, simply give yourself over to new relationship training.
