subject: How Do You React To Negative Feedback? [print this page] Its nice to receive positive feedbackIts nice to receive positive feedback. We grow a bit taller and we feel good about ourselves. However, receiving negative feedback can be very painful, especially if it comes from someone that we respect and care about or if the feedback is about something that is very important to us.
Lets say that you love painting and when you show your partner your latest painting, he/she tells you that it is really bad. How do you react?
Many people react by becoming very defensive. They may snap back or carry anger within them for the rest of the day. Others become very vulnerable and start to doubt themselves in many areas that extend beyond the specific topic of the feedback they received. How you react in you depends on what it is in you that is under threat. Is it your need for a sense of competency? Is it fear of rejection?
Why do people give others negative feedback? I think there are two main reasons: they either have a bad day themselves or they believe in your potential to become better. So if your partner tells you that your painting is awful it might be that he/she had a terrible day at work. In that case theres no point in becoming sad or angry about the comments because you know that the negativity lies in the viewer not in the painting. On the other hand, your partner might believe that you are such a great artist that you can paint a much better painting than the one youve just done. In that case, receiving this negative feedback is a wonderful opportunity for you to grow! Congratulations, you now get the opportunity to develop even further!!
Try this: Next time somebody provides you with some negative feedback, think about whether this might fall into one of those two categories. Then, decide what would be the most resourceful way for you to respond. How can you minimise pain (your own and the others) and maximise the opportunity to grow?
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