subject: Do Not Break Up series – Identify Relationship Problems Before It's Too Late [print this page] Do Not Break Up series Identify Relationship Problems Before It's Too Late
Conflicts are inevitable in ongoing relationships. Couples can enter relationships with differences in their socio-economic and sometimes cultural backgrounds; self-worth; ability to tolerate stress; tastes and preferences; values and beliefs; interests; and social and family networks.
Relationship problems can vary in severity, duration and frequency. What may seem minor issues may have symbolic meanings and/or a historical context to either or both partners. Relationship problems are not just a result of matters of difference, but also of perceptions and interpretations.
I have compiled a list of relationship problems which I have slotted into three categories:
Differences between partners
No two people are alike. Indeed, coming from different backgrounds, family upbringing, education levels, etc. will reflect differences in partners' wants, wishes and preferences.
How caring, how care is shown
Choice of friends
Sharing household duties
Quantity and quality of intimacy
Earning/saving/spending capacity
Looks, body, dressing
Daily routine/activities (such as wake up, sleep and meal times)
Degree of sexual requirement
Trust (credibility, reliability)
TV/internet time
Values and principles that matter
Political leanings
Belief in God, agnostic or atheist
Career emphasis
Child raising styles
Change in circumstances
Changes are part of life. As circumstances change for one partner or both partners, it can cause a strain on the relationship.
Moving to a new home, neighbourhood or town
One partner starts work, leaves job, goes back to school
Death of parent(s)
Care for ageing parent(s)
One partner starts a new hobby/sport/activity
A promotion that requires more time in the office
A job that requires lots of out-of-town travel
Problems caused by crisis
Every crisis is an important turning point in a relationship, whether for better or for worse.
Cheating partner
Unwanted pregnancy
Realization of infertility
Serious monetary loss
Serious illness diagnose
Severe substance abuse
Loss of job
Identifying and accepting that a relationship problem exist is the first essential step in avoiding and resolving a potential break up. Thus a relationship problem has two facets: the problem itself and the problem-solving skills of each partner. Other articles in my Do Not Break Up series will include: Skills to Solve Relationship Problems; Importance of Relationships; Relationship Challenges and Marital Breakdown.
Everything I write is borne of the personal and emotional trauma I had experienced in a period of my own marriage that almost caused me to break up with my partner (husband). I share My Story in my website: DoNotBreakUp.com
