"I will never forgive you for what you have done to me!" Sound familiar? The interesting thing about this statement is that forgiving someone does not remove the burden from their shoulders, it removes it from yours. You don't actually have to speak or correspond directly with someone to forgive that person; you can forgive them in your own mind - so long as you are being sincere to yourself. It is liberating to learn this, especially when you are no longer able to communicate with the person you are forgiving, perhaps because they have passed away or you have lost touch with them over time.
If a person has wronged you but has sincerely apologised to you and forgiven themselves for their wrong doing, they have liberated themselves. If you are still holding that person to blame for a wrong they have committed toward you, the anxiety you are experiencing is in your head and your head alone. Even if it is not for them, forgive others and free yourself from unneeded anxiety and suffering.
What is forgiveness?
The true meaning of forgiveness is when you no longer feel that the person you are forgiving owes you anything.
When I learned this lesson, the story told to me was this:
One day a friend calls you up and asks you for a favour. You go round to his house and help him out. At the end of the day your friend offers you a case of beer or money for your help but you decline his offer.
6 months later you need a favour and you call the same friend for help. Your friend says no and you hang up the phone feeling disgruntled because you helped him out when he needed a hand and so you feel he owes you a favour in return.
When it comes to forgiving someone, if you still feel that the person owes you something to make up for the wrong they inflicted upon you haven't really forgiven them at all. If ever you have forgiven someone but not felt closure, this may be why. Try to figure out what you feel the person still owes you and work through it in your mind until you know how to act on it or how you can finally lay your feelings to rest over the matter.
