subject: Stop Being Scared Of Failure [print this page] Stop Being Scared Of Failure Stop Being Scared Of Failure
I think this is one of the all-time great questions. Why are so many people stopped? Why can't we [humans] seem to stop procrastinating? Why don't we follow our dreams and passions like our life depends on it? How come we don't treat every day like it's our last? Do I have your attention yet? I'm guessing you've asked yourself these questions in one form or another. You probably have a thought while driving, reading or doing some activity and in some distant part of your mind you hear yourself making resolutions and affirmations that tomorrow will be different. Then tomorrow gets here and well tomorrow ends up being like yesterday, right? You start feeling guilty, sorrowful, resigned, and helpless to affect or make any real changes. Different Day, Same Shhhhh You get the point.
You may have heard or read this quote before "Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us. It is not just in some; it is in everyone. And, as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others." (Substitute the word God for Divinity if it bothers you. The message is more important. I don't subscribe to the big man in the sky theory either, but we are all united inside of the same energy as far as I'm concerned.) Amazing quote isn't it? I would say I have found this to be quite accurate in my coaching with people. They rather fall from 3 feet than 50 feet so they remain small, play small games in their lives, all to not have to feel the sting of failure.
Failure in itself is vastly and improperly related to by most people. Webster's defines it as 1a lack of success2omission of occurrence or performance; specifically: a failing to perform a duty or expected action. I'm not arguing the validity of its definition, I'm simply pointing out that the feelings that follow this word are misplaced entirely. I don't know many people who at the thought of failure run towards it. I also don't know many people that when facing personal failure jump up-and-down screaming for joy. Perhaps it's time though.
Let me explain What is the best teacher you have ever had in your life? Besides your first grade teacher I mean. What has taught you more than any other experience? If you haven't gotten it yet FAILURE! Yes, Mr. and Mrs. Failure have taught you well. Just look in your own life. Which lessons really stuck and under what circumstances? We call it the "School of Hard Knocks". If you were certain that failure would take you to exactly where you wanted to go in life, wouldn't you fail fast and fail often? You would learn from your mistakes, keep moving forward, and gradually success would follow.
Here's a quick story. There's a man who lost eight political elections, failed in business many times, and suffered a nervous breakdown during his life. Do you know who I'm speaking of? He is considered one of the greatest men in American History. He had the privilege of being the 16th president of United States. Of course I'm speaking of the story of Abraham Lincoln. Here is the ultimate story of a man who saw an enumerable amount of failures in his life-time and went on to achieve some of the greatest accomplishments in modern history.
If you would choose to alter your perspective on failure not as something that is upsetting, but rather a gift or an opportunity (if that suites you better), than I assert it would not be something you would choose to shy away from, but rather choose to attack it like a bull.
One of the most livening experiences I have found in recent years is using my fear as my guide. Meaning, I now actively and consciously choose to move towards that which I'm afraid of. I know this seems counter-intuitive, but when I achieve success I teach myself and my mind that I can do things I never dreamed possible (or at the very least I am no longer fearful of them). I experience a breakthrough and a sense of accomplishment because I surprise myself. I am out there doing things I never thought I would and I've learned there's nothing to fear, but fear itself. It's the best way to grow. And when I really considered it, I saw for myself that the very sensation of anxiety and fear is the same physical sensation I have as when I'm excited. Increased pulse, sweaty palms, etcI was the one misinterpreting it as a bad or negative feeling.
See if you can re-distinguish failure for yourself and you will begin to alter the auto-response that so many of us have to towards it. It will make you feel alive and accomplished. It will be the start of much success and forward momentum in your life!
The second part of this equation is also just a matter of re-distinguishing a few words. When I tell people that they aren't being responsible for something, the response is hardly if ever positive. Understatement (cough, cough). Overtime, I've come to understand that almost all human responses for the most part are automatic. The response is to some past experiences or stories that one has been telling themselves or others for a long time and usually have little to no basis in reality. Here's the secret. Read carefully. The reason people respond this way is because people see responsibility as an admission of guilt. They see it as being blamed for something. I'm here to tell you, these two words; Responsibility and Blame are very far apart from one another. They have been collapsed together somehow and thus allow for almost no one to be responsible for their lives or anything else. (A perfect example is the political community in this country.)
Blame for the most part is self-inflicted. It leads to feeling of guilt and shame. These two emotional responses are the ultimate way to punish oneself and be responsible for nothing. If you are already punishing yourself, then you don't really have to be held accountable or listen to anything anyone else has to say. You will always be your worst enemy in these situations. If someone tries to contribute something to you, you'll think "I already feel guilty enough; I'm not going to listen to this". Even if that person is offering you gold wrapped in platinum delivered to you on a plate made of diamonds, you will not hear a thing. The blame will take hold and that's all you get, your guilt and shame. You'll learn nothing and probably repeat the same mistake over-and-over wondering why this keeps happening. (I call this the hamster wheel affect)
Responsibility on the other hand is putting oneself at source of all causality. Responsibility is what happens when you stop walking around with your finger pointing at everything and everyone else. Responsibility is power.
Without being able to put yourself at cause of everything you get and don't get in your life, you will never have any true power. You will always be blaming people and situations, proclaiming they've done you wrong. You will play the role of the victim and be at the affect of every circumstance. Even if that were valid, where does that get you? No where! That's a life of perpetual sameness, smallness and of almost no personal growth. People who grow quickly grow because they are willing to always put themselves at the center of responsibility for their own lives. They say and think things such as, "That relationship that is broken, I'm responsible". "That small paycheck, I'm responsible". "That fear inside, I'm responsible".
