subject: Relationships Handbook: The way to be a Sensible Enemy [print this page] Relationships Handbook: The way to be a Sensible Enemy
Can you're thinking that of getting a good enemy in your relationships?
If you wish to fight with someone, how much response from this person is best for you?
Let's think of what it means that to try and do battle with a "smart enemy"!
A Sensible Enemy will not avoid the confrontation, does not escape from your angry words, does not slam the door and/or rejects the whole interaction.
A person who could be a good enemy stays and listens to the barrage of accusations, ignores the dramatic means of message delivery, and listens instead to the hidden content (that may be frustration, a deep want for contact, or the desperation of loneliness)
And then this person can notify you, honestly:
Thanks for telling me this: I can attempt to understand your point of read as best as I can.
What is the distinction?
A Good Enemy refuses to escalate, and listens.
This type of response will not attempt to avoid the confrontation: it intends to method it by completely different means.
It conjointly means that to pay attention to the message and ignore the envelope where the message was wrapped: angry words, high voice, aggressive words, emotional positioning, and recover the meaning hidden underneath the noises:
There's a drawback, someone is upset about it, and I might better take notice and listen.
Some individuals are so upset by the way things are said, that they do not pay attention to what's said: in this manner, the rejection of the wrapping allows them to reject content. Doing thus they can ignore the entire message: the content and the design of delivery!
A Good Enemy will strive to repeat back to you the same content in several and respectful ways, up till you listen to yourself, own your own ideas even if it hurts, and then move to downside solving together!
You'll attempt to apply this technique in your own relationships:
Adopt a listening attitude.
Take Management of yourself, and refuse to retaliate.
Repeat back the main points as close as you can, from the data you only listened to.(But avoid doing it in a hurting, ironic or sarcastic manner)
Then raise for time to think about the problems, and to let your feelings settle down. (However fix a deadline for the subsequent speak).
See how your partner reacts to your new and different approach, and build momentum by shifting from confrontation mode into operating a solution together mode. You will never regret it.
This is often one of the various alternative techniques you'll be able to use to retort your partner's requests or to present your side of the story while not risking damaging your relationship. If you can keep in mind that beyond the high voices, rough words and impatient demeanor there's still a sturdy demand for your love, then the image gets into a totally different frame, and perhaps you'll recover the emotional association that you simply therefore a lot of need.
