subject: The Importance of Our Ex Partner [print this page] The Importance of Our Ex Partner The Importance of Our Ex Partner
But even after our relationship has ended their impact can stay with us, often for many years, especially if there were children together. Let us look at the impact our shared time has had on us.
In the beginning they gave us what we wanted from a partner. The attraction, fun and times we had together were special and often exhilarating. We no doubt grew in confidence, were encouraged to stretch ourselves and blossom. We may have built a career during this time, grown up, become a parent. Often during this time we will have explored and experienced many new things; choosing and furnishing our home, discovering our taste and style, what worked and what didn't work; travelling to new places and countries, making new friends. All these experiences have helped to shape the person we are today.
But, over time one or both of us came to realise that there were elements of the relationship that we did not want in our lives. We came to appreciate that we all grow and change, even in some small ways. Life is a process of developing and all experiences contribute to that process. Within relationships, sometimes the very things that attracted us to each other in the beginning can over time serve to turn us off them. A relaxed, easy-going person can gradually be seen as lazy and unambitious. A dynamic go-getter can start to be seen as pushy and materialistic. Our perspectives change as we come into contact with many different experiences.
If our partner starts to treat us badly or in a way that does not feel positive and supportive we may start to become restless, dissatisfied, unhappy. This can result in our confidence beginning to suffer. We may start to feel unattractive, may even act differently than our norm. Relationship counselling can sometimes help to address those issues, but there are times when we have to acknowledge that the relationship is over and we have to learn from what we have experienced.
And sometimes it can be that we have simply outgrown the relationship, moved on and developed in a different way from our partner. We may one day look at each other and realise that we both want completely different things that are not compatible anymore. No matter how the relationship ended, whoever's 'fault' it was, we do not want to feel unattractive, boring and unlovable.
Our ex partner will have taught us many things.
- We know that we can function in and enjoy having a long-term relationship.
- We have learned what we want and do not want from a relationship.
- Our communication style improves for future relationships. Many people feel that they will be more confident and speak out sooner when things start to go wrong.
- The relevance of negotiation and compromise is appreciated. Many people learn the importance of making more of an effort and communicating with sensitivity and understanding to try to put things right.
- Appreciating that being right in an argument is sometimes simply not worth it. Give and take, letting things go can matter more.
Susan Leigh is a Counsellor and Hypnotherapist who works with
- stressed individuals to promote confidence and self belief,
- couples in crisis to help improve communications and understanding
- with business clients to help support the health and motivation levels of individuals and teams
For more information seehttp://www.lifestyletherapy.net.
